


Engrave your love on me

by BabyStray (Lexine)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Begging, Blow Jobs, Body Image, Body insecurity, Boys Kissing, Character Redemption, Come Marking, Come Swallowing, Dom/sub Undertones, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Guilt, Happy Ending, Healing, Idiots in Love, Jisung's Parents - Freeform, Jisung's Sister - Original Character, Light Paranoia, Love Bites, M/M, Mentioned Yang Jeongin | I.N, Misunderstandings, Pining, Possessive Sex, Slow Burn, Snowballing, Sorry My Hand Slipped, Soulmate marks, THATS A THING I SWEAR, Unhealthy Relationships, i dont dwell on them, idk anything about them they're basically original characters, in a good way, mushy fluff at the end, very light really i held back, your soulmate’s impressions/feelings for you appear as written words on your body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:20:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29870442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexine/pseuds/BabyStray
Summary: Everyone waits anxiously for the first words to appear on their skin. Hyunjin hadn’t been any different. When he got home from his first day at university he searched for anything, any evidence that he had finally met his soulmate, and when he saw a dark brownish mark on the middle of his back, he was quick to try and get a better look.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 83
Kudos: 215





	1. Give it time

**Author's Note:**

> HMM~ heyo~ :3 I’ve been away ‘cause I needed a break to refresh~ my imagination. My break turned out longer because said imagination flowed towards angst, and with the late happenings, I was actually scared I’d trigger someone if I posted this.  
> That being said, although this work has a very happy ending, this is kind of a slow burn on Hyunjin’s part (as slow as a work his size allows anyway). With all that’s happened lately, I’d suggest reader’s discretion. Although I’d appreciate if you read it <3 have in mind that this is fiction, and nothing but that.
> 
> Heed the tags, stay safe, stan Stray Kids.
> 
> The whole work is written. I’ll add chapters daily.
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**

In a world where first impressions mattered a bit too much, Hyunjin stood stiff at the entrance of the university building, his stomach and throat tight in nervousness. Throughout the whole duration of high school he had checked his body for any indication that he had left an impression, a feeling, _something_ on his soulmate, only to be left frustrated day after day when he saw his skin as unmarked as the previous day.

This could be the day he’d finally meet his soulmate. Or maybe not meet them personally, but perhaps cross paths with them and possibly catch their attention enough to leave a mark. Everyone waits anxiously for the first words to appear on their skin. Hyunjin hadn’t been any different. Soulmate marks were important after all.

It is said that meeting your other half is unavoidable, for destiny links people in weird ways that nobody can really understand – one’s only choice was to embrace their fate and try to make the best of it. Although soulmates was a misleading word – rather ironic in a world where words literally marked people’s skin with the impressions and feelings their soulmates had towards them – but it was the hard truth: it was misleading.

When one thinks of soulmates generally the idea revolves around romance and happy ever afters, and surely enough being soulmates could be like that, but not always. Soulmates had their destiny entwined – that was it by definition. It only meant they’d be brought together, but it could be for the worse if one wasn’t careful.

Hyunjin really wanted to have a nice soulmate that he could share the best moments of his life, as he saw his mother and father do. He took a deep breath and straightened his back, tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and tried not to look stupid as he walked into the building.

He spotted an empty seat in the middle of a row of chairs, hundreds of them lining the large hall and already occupied. He excused his way into the row, trying not to step on anyone in the process. The entrance ceremony would have a lot of students, basically all the freshman and some of their seniors that wanted to recruit for their fraternities or clubs or whatever. And although Hyunjin wasn’t interested in any of those (he’d share a place with his friend Felix instead), perhaps one of the upperclassmen there was his soulmate? He could only wonder.

Felix wasn’t there yet, had stayed behind getting ready, and Hyunjin felt so out of place without anyone he knew around. As other freshmen filled the other chairs, he accepted that he’d go by without his friend close to him.

After the ceremony he finally found Felix, the boy waiting for him at the door to their first class. “Lix!”, he jogged towards him.

“Hey! Sorry I met someone on the way, so when I got to the hall it was late already”, he smiled brightly upon noticing Hyunjin’s confusion. “It was my soulmate!”

“ _What_?”, Hyunjin whisper-shouted, dragged him inside the classroom and to the back. “How do you know?”

“Duh, obviously as soon as I talked to him I saw the word appear on his arm, how else?”, Felix rolled his eyes.

“What word?”, Hyunjin’s eyes glinted in excitement. Felix blushed, and answered quietly, voice barely audible, “hot”, he squeezed his eyes shut and groaned when Hyunjin bursted out laughing.

“He’s _that_ hot, really? The first thing you thought of him was that?”

“I _really_ can’t be blamed!”, he looked affronted at Hyunjin, “He’s like, smoking hot! Those fucking arms, you have no idea, Hyunie! Chan is just… too hot for his own good!”, he flushed harder at his confession, and Hyunjin squeezed a freckled cheek.

“So it’s Chan, huh? Did you get his number?”

Felix smirked, “More than that! He studies here!”

Hyunjin gaped, “A sophomore?”

Felix shook his head and giggled, “No, better: a third year on the Music course”, Hyunjin could even see the heart on Felix’s eyes. “Lucky bastard”, he ruffled his hair, “I’m glad you found him.”

“And you?”

“Nothing yet I guess”, he looked down at his arms, “I didn’t really talk to anyone yet, but I saw some people looking at me.”

Felix rolled his eyes again, “Duh, obviously, you look like a freaking Disney prince.”

The professor entered the classroom as Hyunjin smirked smugly – because obviously he knew it to be true. He greeted the students, and although they wanted to keep chatting, Hyunjin turned to the front, hoping if his soulmate was in the classroom and noticed him, he’d give them a good impression.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

When he got home from his first day at university he searched for anything, any evidence that he had finally met his soulmate, and when he saw the dark brownish mark on the middle of his back, he was quick to try and get a better look.

It’s small, no bigger than 5cm, the calligraphy was roundish – _“the same as my soulmate’s”_ , his mind provided – so it was hard for him to read with the awkward angle, the thin metallic black frame of his glasses getting in the way when he tried to look at it turning his head around, too small to read with a mirror, the angle twisted as the word followed his spine instead of being horizontal like in a notebook. He grabbed his phone and took a picture, struggling a bit with the angle of his arm, and managing it barely.

He quickly spread his thumb and index on the phone’s screen to zoom in, a whole fucking flock of birds in his stomach.

His heart sank as he read: _arrogant_.

His knees wobbled and he let himself kneel on the floor, a fat tear dropping on his phone before he shoved it away. He didn’t want to see it. He couldn’t. What had he done wrong? He didn’t remember looking arrogantly at anyone, and he hadn’t really talked to any of the other students past simple greetings, sticking to Felix and listening to his newfound soulmate in earnest.

Maybe he bumped into someone and didn’t apologise? He couldn’t remember anything like that though. As despair set in, he forced himself to his feet to search for another word. Perhaps there was more to the first impression than that, something less harsh.

He lowered his jeans, and sure enough behind his thigh there was another one. It was bigger than the one on his back, almost covering the whole back of his right thigh, the word beginning almost on his knee to stop short of his bum.

_Bastard_.

He didn’t understand… what had he done to his soulmate? He had been so sure he had been nice to everyone… He heard the door open with a soft click and scrambled to get his shirt back on, ignoring the tightness in his throat, the painful burn in his heart and the unshed tears that stung his eyes. He didn’t want Felix to know, he didn’t want anyone to see. So he wiped the stubborn tears away, he got to his feet and pretended everything was fine as he put his clothes back on.

The next days he tried his best to get each of his classmates better. Maybe one of them had thought he was arrogant because he had talked mostly to Felix? So he chatted away with them, making sure not to bother the professor and still take his notes. All of them were so nice, so cheerful; he felt kind of bad talking to them mostly to get rid of that word. Not that he didn’t like talking to them, but that had been bugging his mind so much it was almost the only thing he could think about. He pushed through with a smile though.

If he left a good impression, he’d never have to see those words on his skin again. (What did his soulmate even mean by “bastard”?)

Thus he repeated the process on all his morning classes for every new face that showed up, trying to get to know everyone, making sure none of them felt bad around him.Complimenting them when it felt fit. It didn’t seem likely one of them thought he was arrogant by the end of the morning. But perhaps it was _arrogant_ of him to think so? Was he being a calculating _bastard_ measuring his actions so much?

He and his new friend Seungmin, at least he hoped they were friends already, headed to the cafeteria for lunch, all the while Hyunjin refraining not to flood the younger boy with too many questions, but trying his best to sound interested on his answers. It should be okay. He was smiling and Hyunjin was smiling back, so it was probably ok. If Seungmin was his soulmate, he probably wouldn’t have that word on his back anymore, or at least it’d have shrunk a little. They clicked well.

Thank God impressions and feelings could change, he couldn’t imagine having to carry those words on his back forever. Because just as those changed, soulmate marks changed along with them, the stronger the feeling the larger the mark grew. Some people had many words painted on them, all small to medium in size, but vast in number. Others had fewer words, but they were big and powerful words.

His parents were like this. They had no more than five words, some on their necks and a few on their chests, but they were powerful words. His mother had a big “gorgeous” just below her collarbones that appeared the first day his father had seen her, and it never had shrunk, only grown with time. His father had one of the biggest marks he had ever seen on his arm, extending from his biceps to this wrist, an imposing “courageous” that he proudly exposed at every opportunity.

The one Hyunjin liked the most rested on their upper backs – love. Simple, but big enough it spread through the whole span of their shoulders, their shoulder blades warping the word a little, but to Hyunjin it only made it more beautiful. His mother liked to complain his father’s shitty handwriting made it ugly, but truth be told, she always said that with the fondest smily on her face.

Hyunjin wanted that for him too.

“Hyunie, this is Channie-hyung!”, Felix introduced the boy beside him with a big smile. He could tell it was the same smile as his mother had, and it swelled his chest with warmth to know his friend had found someone that he could like so much so quickly. He couldn’t deny it made him a little bit jealous, but if he did things right maybe his soulmate would like him this much one day, whoever they were. “Nice to meet you, Channie-hyung!”, he smiled through the pain.

“Are you ok, Hyunie?”, Felix frowned. He didn’t want to spoil his friend’s mood with something silly as a single word on his back. He could change it somehow, he just had to be his best version, fix whatever he had done wrong.

“Yeah, just a bit tired. I’m still adapting to the morning schedule”, he waved a dismissive hand.

“To that I can attest. He almost slept during third period”, Seungmin scoffed, but Hyunjin could tell there was no harm intended on his words. “Well, not all of us can enjoy mornings as you do, Minnie”, Felix huffed.

“You seemed to be enjoying third period a lot, though”, Hyunjin chirped in with a chuckle, knowing the boy had been on his phone messaging Chan the whole time.

“Well, I had good company”, he smiled shamelessly, and Chan hit him lightly on the arm, hiding behind his hands.

“Ouch, you wound me, Lix”, Seungmin said with a blank look on his face, Hyunjin and the others laughing at him.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Cold water ran down his body as he put his face under the shower stream, he shivered from it, but ignored the discomfort it brought. He couldn’t believe this was happening. The water at least hid the tears that flowed with the stream. His arms felt heavy by his sides as his shoulders seemed to cary the weight of the world.

_Arrogant_ was bigger on his back, bigger enough he could actually read it without needing a picture on his phone, taking up almost half of his spine in only two days. “ _What did I do?”_ , he couldn’t help but think as he cried silently, muffling his sounds with a bite to his tongue. _Bastard_ had grown so much it was past his knee, the letters so big they warped around his leg, so much so he could see hints of them even with his front facing the mirror. And if it was only that, it could still be a misunderstanding, but now there were more words, smaller the way _arrogant_ had been on Day 1.

_Fake_ , right above his belly button.

_Self-centred_ , in a slight angle below his left collarbone.

_“What did I do?”_ echoed in his head. His soulmate, someone who should complete him thought those things of him. That was the impression he left on them. Perhaps he should dress-up less to go to university from now on, change his attitude somehow.

But how?

“Hyunjinie!”, Felix shouted, “You’re going to use up all the hot water, you’ve been in there for half an hour!”, he sounded very angry, shit.

He opened his mouth to shout something back, but afraid his voice would falter, he just turned the shower off. He had been in there for too long anyway, who cared if he wasn’t using the hot water? Poor Felix probably wanted to use the bathroom, but he he had locked the door so his friend couldn’t see the ugly words drawn on his skin. He sniffled and and bit his lip to swallow another whimper. Now there were more. He needed to fix this somehow. Find out who this person was and prove himself good to them.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The morning light really did nothing to hide his puffy eyes. He turned away from the mirror on his wardrobe's door and took off his sleep t-shirt. He didn’t want to see himself. Rather, he didn’t want to see the words. He picked up his clothing of choice for the day; a simple grey over-sized hoodie and jeans. Usually he’d dress-up a bit more, put some makeup on, wear accessories, but clearly that had backfired.

He didn’t know who his soulmate was, no one seemed to think of him like that, so it should be someone who saw him walking around campus and thought he was like that. If he dressed normally maybe his soulmate would see that he just liked fashion. He didn’t _have_ to dress up and look good all the time, but he did like it, and he did put extra effort knowing his soulmate was there. It should be obvious, right?

As he entered the kitchen he saw Felix look him up and down with a frown, taking his attention off his pancake for a moment. “Huh, everything alright, Hyunie?”

“Yeah, just thought I should go for cozy vibes today”, he slapped his back mentally, that was smooth, good job Hyunjin. “I see… pancakes are almost done, just wait a bit.”

“Thank you, Lix.”

After eating Felix’s delicious pancakes – finally he had figured out how much butter to ad to the pan – they walked in silence to campus, meeting Chan midway. He liked Chan a lot, but today wasn’t a good day to see his friends being cute with each other, so he excused himself with an exaggerated disgusted look, one he knew would make both of them laugh and not ask questions.

He tried not to draw too much attention as he walked to his first class, but if he were to be honest, he could feel the eyes on him. It made his stomach churn and his skin crawl. Was his soulmate looking at him? He felt a drop of sweat slide down his temple, his chest burn as his breathing became faster. He was freaking out, right? People couldn’t really be noticing him when he was dressed like that. He looked normal, right? Your average university student, _right_?

He almost jumped out of his skin when Minho, one of his seniors, put a hand on his shoulder. Gladly he kept his voice at bay, but looked around embarrassed – had anyone seen him almost shit his pants?

“Hyunjinie, you look like shit”, Minho said, hand on his forehead the second he uttered his concern. “I’m not sick, hyung, just tired.”

The elder hummed in understanding, “Well, if you decide you want to share whatever has put you in that ugly hoodie, please do look for me. I’ll be all ears”, Hyunjin smiled at him and nodded. Minho was a weird guy, kind of scary at first, but actually pretty nice. It made him feel a bit better knowing he had someone else but Felix to share stuff. He felt like he could and should take Minho’s word for it. He wouldn’t offer help if he didn’t mean it.

That thought was what let him carry on with his morning without his anxiety crippling him – he was not alone. He still didn’t talk much, even on his first and second classes he shared with Felix and Seungmin, and preferred to just listen to his professors diligently. Whoever his soulmate was, clearly they weren’t on any of his classes, so that also helped him focus.

When lunchtime came though, he had to remember all his insecurities. The cafeteria was always overflowing with people. There was no way his soulmate wouldn’t see him. He considered not going. He could eat something off-campus… yet Felix, always perceptive, seemed to had felt he was planning on ditching lunch and went to his last class to get him, Chan tagging along, of course.

“You know”, Chan started, “Minho is right, you look like shit”, he concluded with a worried furrow of his brows. “Of course I’m right”, Minho rolled his eyes, “Look at this ugly ass hoodie. He looks like a worsened version of you!”

Chan looked genuinely offended, but Minho only giggled, “Don’t look at me like that, you really only wear hoodies to class”, Chan sighed, nodding in defeat.

“I’m just tired”, Hyunjin lied, ready to plaster his most beautiful fake smile, but then he remembered. _Fake_. And he just… couldn’t. He didn’t want to make those words be true, didn’t want to find them in himself anywhere below his skin. Gosh, he just wanted them _gone_. “Maybe meeting some new people will help?”, Chan smiled, all dimples in display.

Honestly, no. It wouldn’t help, but Hyunjin didn’t really have a say in it, because Chan had invited two of his friends to sit with them and they’d be arriving any minute. Hyunjin wanted to throw up. He really didn’t feel like meeting anyone looking like that. His eyes scanned the cafeteria as they waited for said friends, trying to find someone looking at him like he was an arrogant bastard. There wasn’t anyone like that, though he did meet eyes with some girls. They all just swooned and looked away to giggle with their friends.

“Here, Hyunjin, these are Seo Changbin and Han Jisung, my best friends! They’re Music students too, my baby dongsaengs~”, Chan chirped, snapping his attention back to the table. He greeted them politely, introduced himself even if Chan had probably already done that. Changbin was a short buff guy, with pouty lips and a dark expression, but Hyunjin soon noticed he was actually pretty chill, with a lot of smiles and overall cute behaviour. It really didn’t fit his whole dark aesthetic, a gap Hyunjin found pretty cute.

Jisung was quite the opposite. He was without any doubt the cutest guy he had seen on campus – and he had seen many in his search for his soulmate – round cheeks that turned even rounder and cuter when he stuffed them with food, a loud voice and laugh, fairly higher-pitched than Changbin’s, yet still far from the annoying side of the spectrum. But his behaviour was off. He talked nicely and all, but damn, he really hated Hyunjin’s gut, he could tell right away.

The guy didn’t even try to hide it, smile fading as soon as he saw Hyunjin’s face or when he tried to add something to the conversation. Hyunjin was at loss for words. This squirrel dude was totally his soulmate, right? He _had_ to be. Everything lined up.

So when his afternoon classes ended and he saw Jisung talking with Chan whilst the latter waited for Felix, he didn’t hesitate and tried to join the conversation. He just had to show him he wasn’t the way he thought he was, right? He seemed like a nice person, despite the things he thought about him. First impressions could change.

And yet, there was just no space. Jisung would cut him off with topics he couldn’t participate, or direct the conversation to Chan so he couldn’t answer. It kind of hurt. He eventually gave up, there was no point in forcing something to happen that Jisung didn’t want to happen, he’d only make things worse. He headed home trying to think of a way into Jisung’s heart. There should be _something_ he could do to turn things around.

Perhaps that _something_ was nothing.

Jisung didn’t even know he was his soulmate. Maybe he’d find out when he saw the words on his skin when he got home. Hyunjin knew which ones they’d be, because the image he had of the boy was very solid – cute, bright, smart, honest, stubborn, unfair, judgemental. _“Extremely judgemental”_ , his mind provided. Although maybe those words weren’t enough for him to find out who his soulmate was… he had met Minho and Seungmin for the first time as well, so obviously Hyunjin wouldn’t be his first guess.

He should give it time. Yes.

He’d try his best, but seeing the words on his skin larger twisted his insides, made his heart clench painfully in his chest. _Fake_ was still the same size though, so maybe he had done _something_ right. Albeit _self-centred_ had doubled in size. He didn’t understand why. He had been nice, no? He cared for others… How was he a self-centred? He turned around and saw _arrogant_ hadn’t gotten any bigger, thank god. _Bastard_ apparently had gotten to its final size too, which meant the back of his right leg was ruined. There was a new one though, still small, still forming, horizontal on his tailbone.

_Pitiful_.

Hyunjin had to snort a laugh. He kind of agreed with this one. He felt pitiful. Maybe dressing like Chan didn’t suit him after all. He’s sure if he was better dressed the word would be less harsh, since Jisung seemed to take first impressions very seriously. He wanted to hate the boy for it, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had been nice to everyone – except for him – so surely he could turn things around. They were soulmates after all.

Or maybe it’d be harder than he thought, he pouted when he saw another one, the first on the front of his legs, on his left thigh, following the striation of his muscles. It was big for a first day word… _Irritating_.

A deep frown set between his eyebrows. Was he? He didn’t know how not to be irritating. That would depend on what irritated Jisung. He let out a long-drawn sigh, heavy and loaded with his feelings and looked away from the mirror, that familiar twist on the pit of his stomach telling him he couldn’t take looking at himself any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if so, please let me know 🥰 and if you think any tag is needed, please also let me know!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter and Curious Cat (for people that like to be anon) @lexinie5.
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**


	2. Hide from it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunjin was at his limit. Three days had passed and Jisung hadn’t approached him about the soulmate thing, didn’t seem to have noticed it was him at all, hadn’t improved his relationship with him either. And not that Hyunjin wasn’t trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henlo babies~ If you stuck around to read this, thank you so much 🥰 I appreciate all the nice comments as well, thank you 💜 
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**

Hyunjin was at his limit. Three days had passed and Jisung hadn’t approached him about the soulmate thing, didn’t seem to have noticed it was him at all, hadn’t improved his relationship with him either. And not that Hyunjin wasn’t trying.

He tried to act around him as he had always acted around his friends, playful and cheerful, but it was hard. It was hard because no matter what he tried he’d get home with a new word. A new bad impression and he didn’t know what to do. Actually he knew, he had to give up and stay away from him. Problem was: he was friends with all his friends, and Hyunjin didn’t have many, he couldn’t bare losing even a single one. Specially Felix, and obviously they had clicked right away, because who wouldn’t adore sunshine Felix?

This was his last day trying, he told himself. Soulmates didn’t have to be lovers, didn’t have to like each other. He had heard stories of soulmates that had never worked. He’d just be one more of them. If he distanced himself enough, maybe the words would shrink enough that he could go back to wearing short sleeves and low neck lines. As of now he couldn’t – he now had two words, one on each arm, the last one on the side of his neck.

 _Annoying_ on his left arm had gotten pretty big since it had appeared three days before. He didn’t quite understand how it differed from irritating, but to Jisung it was very different apparently, both words had completely different sizes, as irritating had stayed quite consistent after it showed up, but annoying only seemed to grow.

 _Melodramatic_ wrapped around his upper right arm like a snake, it had been a nightmare to read it. He didn’t really have an argument for that. He was dramatic, everyone told him so. What hurt him is that it was something of enough importance that it showed on his skin, when nothing good did.

 _Frivolous_ was the worse, it wrapped around his neck all the way around, like some sort of sick collar. It had showed up when he was staring at the mirror, to his ultimate horror. He saw it come to life. He had posted a picture on his instagram not fifteen minutes before showing off his new shoes. Maybe he was a bit frivolous? Should he delete the picture and care less about his appearance? But hadn’t he been wearing only hoodies? Perhaps it wasn’t about his physical appearance?

He sighed. There he was again, trying to understand what the hell went on somebody else’s mind and fit in some sort of ideal model Jisung could possibly have. He knew it was stupid, that he shouldn’t heed the words scattered around his body so much. It was the opinion of _one_ person that hadn’t even bothered to give him a chance. He wished he knew why. _Why?_

He had cried to sleep trying to convince himself that it didn’t matter.

But it did. Because even with how shitty Jisung was to him, he was so nice to everyone else, so kind and caring and cute beyond measure. He knew it was wishful thinking, but he couldn’t help but want Jisung to be like that wit him as well.

A hand slammed on his desk, waking him up from his thoughts. He looked up confused – Changbin. “Oh, hey hyung, what’s up?”

“I know we say it a lot, but… you look like shit”, he sighed and sat on top of the desk. “Thank you for always pointing out the obvious.”

“No, really… now you upgraded to turtle necks? Your Instagram tells me you were stylish before… Do you need to talk?”, Changbin asked for what felt like the thousandth time. “I’m the same as always, hyung.”

“You’re not. There’s something different today”, he cupped his cheeks. “Talk to someone, please? It doesn’t have to be me, Hyunie.”

Hyunjin felt himself tear-up. “I’ll talk to Minho-hyung, I promise”, Changbin smiled at that. “I have news on that front, by the way…”

“Just spit it out, hyung, class is almost starting”, Hyunjin rolled his eyes. Changbin’s eyes were shimmering in excitement.

“So, I think Minho and Jisung might become a thing”, he giggled like a little girl and clapped his hands. Hyunjin felt the pang in his heart, but he was used to hide things at this point, so he faked his excited smile – and it hurt him so much when he visualised _fake_ spreading across his whole belly in his mind – it wasn’t that big, but he was so scared it’d become like that one day. “Oh… wow. How and when did _that_ happen?”

“I mean, they didn’t say anything, but they’ve been pretty close and today I saw them walking to campus together!”, Hyunjin giggled at Changbin’s excitement. “Maybe they just happened to bump into each other, are you sure your fanboy isn’t showing, Binnie-hyung?”

Changbin pouted and crossed his arms, “Don’t doubt me! I’m telling there’s something there!”, Hyunjin raised his arms in defeat. “I’ll take your word on it.”

The bell rang, saving him from further details of the love life of his soulmate, and really, he could use class as a distraction as well. If there was something he didn’t need was to go to the nearest restroom and cry his eyes out. So much for trying one last day. He should really give up.

He would. After he talked to Minho, because he couldn’t really take Changbin’s word on something this important. And so he called his hyung and asked if his invitation to let him cry on his shoulder was still valid – obviously it was.

It led him to sit on Minho’s bed as the boy got them drinks in the kitchen. Thankfully Changbin was out (he was Minho’s roommate) and they could talk in private without risking the boy hearing something. That was the last thing he wanted.

“So, tell me, Hyunjinie, what’s been bothering you for… shit, since the beginning of the semester?”, Minho frowned upon realising how long it had already been, set their glasses on his bedside table. Hyunjin was just as surprised it had taken him so long to try to talk to someone about it too. They were three months in already. It felt like years though.

“Before that…”, he managed to pull off a smirk, “You and Jisung huh?”

Minho frowned, “Huh?”

“Well, Binnie-hyung said it looked like you two were getting together, so I wanted to ask instead of assuming things”, he tried to sound nonchalant.

“What? No! Jisung is marked all over! And the words aren’t mine!”, he huffed. “D-does he know who it is?”, Hyunjin stuttered, but Minho didn’t seem to notice.

“No, but it’s probably someone he has met already. There are some generic words on his arms, that you’ve obviously seen, but also some only someone closer would know, like ‘loyal’ and ‘workaholic’”, Minho laughed. “Probably one of his classmates from the music course, I dunno, but Jisung has been trying to find out who it is”, he shrugged, Hyunjin did his best not to show a reaction. “But enough of that. I’ll deal with Binnie, later. Tell hyung what worries your pretty head.”

“I…”, he sighed, he didn’t want to risk telling him it was Jisung, so he tried to elaborate his phrase better, “My soulmate has seen me.”

Minho’s eyes shot out. “Oh… isn’t that good? Felix told me you’ve been really waiting for them…”

“They don’t like me”, Hyunjin gulped, kept his eyes down and his hands clasped together on his lap. “What? How come?”, Minho looked angry.

“They never did. Since the first word”, Hyunjin sighed heavily. “They despise me, really”, he looked up at Minho, and the older boy’s lips trembled. Hyunjin looked so small, so fragile, he could tell he was holding back his tears. “How long?”, he whispered.

“What?”

“How long have they first seen you?”, Minho repeated.

“Since first day of uni”, it was Minho’s turn to sigh. He seemed sad. “What?”

“You should’ve talked to someone sooner, Hyunjin! We are your friends, you can trust us with that kind of stuff!”

“Sorry, hyung”, he mumbled and Minho flicked his forehead. “I’m not mad, I’m sad! You’ve been suffering for so long and we did nothing!”

“It’s ok, I wasn’t ready to talk about it before”, Hyunjin offered a tiny smile.

“Can I see how bad it is?”, Minho kneeled in front of him on the bed, a hand over his clasped ones. “I rather not show them to anyone…”, Hyunjin’s voice wavered.

“Why is that, baby? Hm?”, Minho soothed his knuckles. If he wanted to help Hyunjin he’d need to know who the person was. And for that he needed to know the words. “They’re ugly, I don’t like seeing them, I can’t imagine showing it to someone. I just… I can’t.”

“That’s ok, baby”, Minho said right away. “Can you just tell me what the words are then? Or if you know their name…”

He couldn’t. Who was the only person that thought he was an irritating pitiful arrogant frivolous fake self-centred melodramatic annoying bastard? In that exact combination? Han Jisung. There was no one else, Hyunjin was sure. He shook his head to Minho and the elder sighed.

“But how can I help change their mind if I don’t know who they are?”

“I didn’t come so you can help change their mind.”

“Then what do you need me to do, Hyunie?”, Minho tilted his head. “I guess I just needed to tell somebody. And if you need to mention it to the others it’s fine too. I just… wanted you guys to know I guess.”

“But what are you going to do? This is obviously affecting you. You’re wearing a turtle neck in this heat… I’ve seen your instagram, this is not you, Hyunie. You like looking pretty and-“

“It’s ok. This is better. I was too frivolous, I’m just trying to fix that.”

Minho frowned. “You’re not frivolous! Who told you-“, Minho cursed and punched the bed. “Is that _written_ on you, Hyunie?”, Minho said with gritted teeth, “Is that why you think you’re frivolous?”, Hyunjin curled further in, sniffled a little. Minho cupped his face, making him look at him.

“You’re not frivolous at all, Hyunie. If you were, you wouldn’t be trying so hard to become better for your soulmate. You work hard and you’re the purest soul, ok? There’s nothing frivolous about the way you dress. It’s your way of taking care of yourself, I can tell. And you worry about us and take care of us even when you have your classes and all this messed up shit in your mind. That’s not frivolous at all”, Hyunjin hugged Minho, his face nuzzled on his neck. “Whoever your soulmate is, they’re blind if they can’t see how precious our Hyunie is.”

“T-thank you, Minho-hyung”, he pulled away to wipe his wet eyes, “But as things are now, it’s better if I cover up anyway. The words, they’re… everywhere”, he gave him a bitter smile.

“Shit”, Minho fisted his hair, “I’m going to punch this fucker when I find out who he is, I don’t even care if it’s a girl. I’ll punch her, Hyunjin!”, the boy laughed. “There’s no need. They’re not that bad. It’s just… they don’t like me. It happens.”

“Bullshit. If they’re nice they should like you, because you’re nice!”, Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t matter, hyung. I’ll just let them go. We’ll cross paths, it’s inevitable, but I’ll just try to make it a minimum.”

Minho hugged him again. “If you want me to punch them, just tell me”, Hyunjin nodded against his neck. “Will do, hyung.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The scorching sun was blinding on his eyes and punishing in its heat. And fuck, Hyunjin was hot. They were at the beach, all the boys enjoying their time on the water. Hyunjin didn’t feel like it although it’d probably be less hot than below the umbrella. He was wearing a long-sleeved surfing suit that covered his legs and arms and had a broad neckerchief covering _frivolous_. It was so fucking hot underneath that thing, but he really didn’t need his friends eyeing him in concern. Nor Jisung finding out just how pitiful he was, the word was already prominent on his tailbone, big enough that _arrogant_ had drifted up a bit, threatening to merge with _frivolous_. It hadn’t grown at least.

 _Pitiful_ grew every day he saw Han Jisung. Surely enough it’d grow a lot on this sunny day. As if reading his mind, Jisung dropped by his side under the umbrella.

“Aren’t you hot under that thing?”, he scoffed. It wasn’t as if he was worried about him, so probably someone sent him to check on him. “I am, but as you know, I can’t just take it off.”

“You can, you just don’t want to”, he scoffed again, that cocky, annoying type of mockery that made Hyunjin want to punch all his pretty quokka teeth out of his mouth. He wouldn’t though. Rather, he couldn’t, because he adored those cute pearly whites and he didn’t want to ruin his soulmate’s face.

“Would you feel comfortable taking your shirt off if there were only shitty things written on your skin instead of cute, honest, bright and confident?”, he quirked a brow, genuinely curious on how he’d answer. Jisung didn’t waste time flaunting the words he was prideful of. And the fucker even had the luck of them appearing on his forearms and neck so he could so it all the time. Destiny was a bitch.

“Well, there aren’t only good things written here, as you can see, but no one’s perfect”, Jisung shrugged.

“I’m asking you if you’d take that goddamn shirt off if there were _only_ bad things written, Jisung”, he rolled his eyes. The worst was that he knew Jisung was just rubbing it in, he knew what he meant, he wasn’t stupid, far from it. The wicked little thing was way too smart sometimes.

He saw something akin to pity flash in Jisung’s eyes. Well, obviously, he thought he was pitiful. The word was probably growing on his back at that instant. “I wouldn’t.”

“Then don’t ask stupid questions”, Hyunjin sighed. “So it’s true; there are only bad things written on you…”, he half-asked, apparently unsure if he had the liberty to do so. Hyunjin probably shouldn’t give it to him, but he was stupid so he did.

“Yeah”, Hyunjin gulped. Jisung could hate him, but he wasn’t really mean to him. He just avoided talking to him and sometimes gave him a disgusted look. Which should be expected, the word was fairly new, but ran up his right side nonetheless, from his hip almost to his armpit. It had showed up after a night out that Jisung saw him hooking up with more people than Hyunjin could count. It had been a bad day, and an even worse night. In spite of what Minho had said, he and Jisung had hooked up, and Hyunjin had the displeasure of almost walking in on them fucking in the club’s restroom. Hence his rampage on that same night.

He had been drunk and was hurting, but it meant nothing – for quick-to-judge-Jisung, seeing it was enough to decide he was disgusting. As If he was a prude.

“What’s the worse word you have?”, Jisung pried more confidently now that he knew he had a free pass. Hyunjin tried to think. He hated almost all of them to the same extent, but disgusting had hit him hard. Maybe because he had felt disgusting for going so low to ease his pain. He told him the word, expectant of his reaction. If Jisung only found him nothing more than pitiful would the other words shrink…? Perhaps he should stick to this plan since getting on his good side seemed improbable.

“Ouch. That sucks, huh”, he didn’t laugh, but didn’t seem to be much affected by the reveal either. “Just that? It sucks? Do you happen to agree with them?”, Hyunjin felt daring enough to ask.

“I kind of do, actually”, he smiled. “You were pretty disgusting letting those guys on the club touch you like that”, Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile a little. Of course Jisung would be honest, what was he expecting?

“I was drunk”, he defended himself. “I was drunk too, but I didn’t almost whore myself out.”

“I’ll correct myself: I am depressed and I was drunk”, Jisung’s eyes widened at that. He was thinking Hyunjin was pitiful again, wasn’t him? “Am I pitiful?”, might as well get it all out of the way.

“Yes, and each day you surprise me by becoming more pitiful”, Jisung admitted. “Aren’t you tired of waiting for this whoever to like you? Do you really have to be this miserable?”

“Does it irritate you that I’m like this?”, Hyunjin chuckled. “Fuck yeah, it does. And you’re annoying. Stop making me agree with what you say”, Hyunjin only laughed harder.

“What?”, Jisung frowned. “Nothing, nothing.”

Jisung was at a loss for words. Hyunjin laughing was rare, like, really rare. Specially a real laugh like that. He hated it, that the boy could fake this smiles so well to fit his Prince Charming agenda. But this laugh was nice, he could get used to hearing it.

“You should laugh more”, Hyunjin stopped laughing. “I’d like to. But there aren’t many opportunities nowadays”, and there it was, the fake smile.

Jisung looked at the sea, his friends playing around. He should’ve come to check on Hyunjin and headed back, but here he was, ruining his fun to talk to the guy he despised the most. “If you weren’t so frivolous you could be playing there with them. And I wouldn’t have to be trying to cheer you up.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “This is your attempt at cheering me up?”, he raised an eyebrow in question, to which Jisung shrugged as an answer. “I don’t feel like playing.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m _sad_ , Jisungie”, Hyunjin said before he could hold it back, the nickname was a specially bad slip up. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have called you that.”

“Why not?”, Jisung repeated. “Because you don’t like me, and you don’t consider me a friend”, Hyunjin didn’t smile, just squinted ahead at his friends in the water with sunlight hurting his eyes. He knew Jisung could tell which smiles of his were fake anyway. He was trying his best not to fake his appearances anymore, but he still had a long way to go. He still found himself doing it often to hide his pain, as to not worry his friends, and it was difficult let go of old habits.

“Well, I’m sorry you’re sad, Hyunjin, but I’ll go back if you don’t mind”, Jisung didn’t correct him. Hyunjin shook his head, an actual grin on his lips. He’d count that as a win, Jisung could’ve told him to this face that he was right, that he didn’t like him and he wasn’t a friend, but had chosen silence instead. It was his way of being kind to him in spite of his thoughts regarding him. “Go have fun, don’t mind me”, he kept the strain out of his voice.

Jisung got up and made his way to the water, when he looked back, Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahwn 🥺 poor Hyunjinie.
> 
> If you liked this chapter please leave a kudo/comment~ I’m curious to know what are your thoughts on Jisung’s and Hyunjin’s behaviours! You can also bookmark works that you want to save if you have an Ao3 account, and if you subscribe to the work Ao3 will send you an e-mail when a new chapter is posted.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter and Curious Cat (for people that like to be anon) @lexinie5.
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**


	3. Boiling up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He should’ve known he wouldn’t be able to keep who his soulmate was a secret forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo~ I’ll add an additional little warning on this chapter, please pay it attention!
> 
>  **TW:** minor violence 
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**

A deep breath, a long exhale. Hyunjin took off his clothes without looking at the mirror – or at himself, for good measure – keeping his eyes tightly closed and blindly reaching for his turtle neck. He had five of them now: two grey, one white and two black ones so he’d not draw too much attention – although it was hot outside, so there wasn’t much he could do. It was kind of miserable that most of his wardrobe was useless by this point, all his t-shirts and flimsy button-ups long forgotten along with his sport shorts and anything that didn’t cover at least seventy percent of his body.

His hair was longer now, shoulder-length to help conceal the word on his neck in case the turtle neck somehow failed, his bangs falling over his round glasses if he didn’t tuck them behind his ear carefully. He kind of liked the way it looked. He missed being blond though. Not two weeks into the whole soulmate mess he had dyed it black. It looked ok, but he liked how the light colour complimented his eyes. His previously elegant figure now seemed so scruffy; he didn’t want to see himself like that, it’d make his reality too real.

To think he dreamed of meeting his soulmate when he was younger. Fuck, he had dreamed of it up to the moment he had gotten home that first day of university. Countless times he had imagined the beautiful words that would be carved on his flesh, carrying all the love his soulmate had for him, a constant reminder that he was not alone in this harsh world.

Yet there he was: as pitiful as the word on his back.

It was so hard not letting them get to his head, only one more reason not to look at them. Because even after months, he couldn’t see how he was arrogant or self-centred or a bastard. He didn’t think he was disgusting. When he dared to look though, chiefly to search for new words and check if there was any progress on the old ones, he couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps he was all those things.

If he thought highly of himself as a self-centred person would, it could be very well clouding his judgement. Being arrogant could explain why he didn’t think he needed to change anything specific. He did care about how others saw him, so maybe he was frivolous after all. Minho could just be used to it and not notice it. Surely it’d be irritating and annoying being close to someone so fake and pitiful.

He sighed. What was pitiful was letting these things get to his head. If Jisung knew what went on in his mind he’d probably change that one to miserable though. Or perhaps that was just him being melodramatic.

He sighed again, grabbed his bag. Thinking about all that was pointless, he should focus on his studies.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Hyunjin, you look…”, Seungmin trailed off, looked at Felix who sat on his other side. “Like shit?”, Hyunjin huffed. Yeah, he knew.

“No-”, he pouted, “I mean, yes, but I was gonna say sad. You look sadder these days”, the boy concluded.

“He’s right, Hyunie”, Felix’s eyes were already tearing up, “It’s painful to look, are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? Isn’t there anything we can do to help?”

“Unless you know how to erase soulmate marks, no, there’s nothing you can do, Lix”, he could tell he sounded bitter. He hated it, hated feeling such a nasty feeling. If only he could hate Jisung it’d be easier.

The lack of response from Felix made him look at him, and shit, now he was crying. “No no, baby don’t cry”, he cleaned the boys face. “It’s ok, sorry if I made you uncomfortable”, he swallowed the knot in this throat and his unshed tears. Seungmin hugged him from behind.

“Let us cry for you, Hyunie-hyung”, Seungmin sniffled, head hooked on his shoulder. “Since you won’t cry for yourself, let us do it for you.”

Hyunjin felt people looking at them, but he couldn’t stop himself from sobbing on Felix’s chest as he scrunched the boys shirt under his tight hold on him. It was like a dam within him had finally broken. It probably looked ridiculous, three grown ass men crying whilst hugging each other, but the people around him seemed to fade away as he let himself go on Felix’s and Seungmin’s embrace.

He didn’t stay for class, couldn’t really. He insisted Felix and Seungmin did though, using the excuse that someone had to take notes for him, which worked pretty well. This early in the morning the cafeteria was rather empty, the students all in their respective classrooms or still sleeping at home, most likely hung over from the sunny weekend. So when someone draped themselves over him he almost fainted, yelping loudly. He soothing giggle that erupted behind him calmed him quickly. “Channie-hyung, you’re going to kill me one of these days”, he sighed in relief with a hand over his heart.

“Sorry, it was the perfect opportunity”, he let go of him and took the chair in front of him. “So, did you finally understand you don’t have to actually attend to _every_ class in the semester or are you feeling sick?”, Chan propped his chin on his hands, elbows on the table.

“Some of us actually study, hyung”, Hyunjin scoffed, feeling lighter already from Chan’s overall chill aura. “I had a little breakdown, but I’m ok now”, he explained, regret setting deep in his stomach as soon as he saw worry flash on Chan’s eyes.

“Is it because of your soulmate?”, Hyunjin nodded. “It’s been harder to deal with the whole thing.”

“You should talk to them”, Chan said seriously. Hyunjin frowned. “What makes you think I know who they are?”

The man snorted a laugh, “Hyunie, you’re not someone who cares much about people’s opinions about you, you know?”, Hyunjin shook his head. No, he didn’t know.

Chan rolled his eyes, “People have been staring at you all the time because of your… interesting choice of fashion in the last couple months”, Hyunjin’s eyes widened and Chan chuckled, “And you didn’t even notice, pfft”, he cackled. “Anyway, even though it's like that with random people around campus, from what I know you’d obviously be the kind of person to care about what your soulmate thinks of you, this”, he gestured to his whole figure, “this whole depression you have going on tells me you know the person well enough that their opinion matters to you above the fact they’re your soulmate”, his smile turned sour, his eyes fond.

“You should talk to them”, Chan reiterated, took one of his hands. “Maybe it’ll help.”

“They…”, Hyunjin sighed, “There’s no point, hyung. In all these months, independently of how I act, of how much I try to change, they just…”, he swallowed, “they just hate me”, he looked away to the lines of trees that flanked the path from the cafeteria to the next building.

“Do you have that word on you?”, Chan raised an eyebrow.

“No, but…”

“Then they don’t hate you. You still have a chance to change their mind”, Chan smiled. “I know you’ve been trying to let go. It’s pretty obvious, but… I also know you’ve been failing at it. So try talking to them?”, he tried again.

Hyunjin wanted to tell him he had sort of talked to Jisung about it. Not directly, but that day on the beach had left it crystal clear that the boy wouldn’t change his mind about him. He wanted to tell Chan, but he couldn’t, it’d mean admitting he knew the person, and that could hint something to Chan. He didn’t want to put a strain on his friends’ relationship with Jisung, they had nothing to do with Jisung’s spite for him.

“I wish I could, but I really don’t know them, hyung. I have a guess, but I don’t know them, I can’t just… talk”, he lied through his teeth. If Jisung was there with them, would he be able to tell? Would he have had a gigantic “lier” on his forehead the next day?

As if the universe wanted to give Hyunjin a break, the bell to the next period rang, and he took his cue to get up. “Well, thank you for keeping me company, hyung, but I don’t want to miss another class”, Chan sighed, frustrated, and nodded. “I’ll be going too. Don’t push yourself too hard, ok?”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

He should’ve known he wouldn’t be able to keep who his soulmate was a secret forever. He wished someone else had found out though, not Minho. Even Jisung finding out would’ve been better, because if anything, Minho was very protective of his friends, Hyunjin included. That combined with Jisung liking him the most, being the closest to him of all of them, meant things wouldn’t end up well. It happened so unexpectedly though, he couldn’t have prevented it.

With his mood getting worse and worse, Minho had decided for Hyunjin that he needed a movie night. The glare on Minho’s eyes told him he wasn’t inviting Hyunjin over, he was ordering him to go home with him. And who was Hyunjin to go against Minho?

He had just been done with his shower when Minho entered the bathroom to give him his towel, apparently forgetting Hyunjin wasn’t comfortable with showing his body. It wasn’t ill-intended, really. When Hyunjin turned around Minho was already darting his eyes from word to word, breath caught in his throat, tears clinging to his long eyelashes. Hyunjin ran to grab the towel from him and cover himself, but he knew it was too late.

He turned his back to him and crouched on the floor, trying to cover everything, and Minho didn’t waste anytime following him to the ground, gently pulling the towel away from his figure. “I’ve already seen it now, there’s no need to hide anymore”, he said softly, and Hyunjin whimpered, letting the towel go. Minho’s fingers traced _arrogant_ down his spine, stopping just short of _pitiful_ by his tailbone.

“Turn around for me, please”, he asked, his angelic voice sweet and careful. “Hyunie, _please_ ”, he begged when Hyunijn didn’t move.

He helped Hyunjin stand up and handed him his underwear so the boy wouldn’t feel too exposed. Then looked at each word on his front, stopping his hands over _disgusting_ on his side, his lip trembling as he tried not to wince at the sight of it, a deep painful scowl on his face. “I know this handwriting”, his voice wavered as he whispered. Hyunjin bit his tongue, rested his hands on Minho’s shoulder for support, feeling like his legs would give out at any moment.

“Hyung…”, Minho glowered at him and he shut up. “Don’t try to defend him now, Hyunjin, I’ll punch you before I punch him”, this tone made the boy shrink on himself and Minho soothed him, “Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”

Hyunjin wept, sobbed, all this pent up feelings pouring out of him and onto Minho’s shoulder, the smaller boy just hugged him and caressed his back and scalp, slowly walking them to his room after checking Changbin wasn’t home. He laid Hyunjin on his bed and threw his blanket on top of them, cuddling the boy to sleep.

When morning came, Hyunjin woke up with Minho smoothing his unruly hair, the blanket kicked out of bed. He freaked out a bit, wanting to cover up, but Minho held him close. “Shhh, it’s alright. It’s alright.”

Once he calmed down, he braced himself on his elbows and looked at Minho, “Hyung, don’t tell Jisung”, Minho scowled and opened his mouth to complain, but Hyunjin didn’t let him. “Please don’t tell him. And don’t be mean to him, it won’t do me any good. He’ll just hate me more, and I don’t want that.”

Minho tried to talk again, but Hyunjin interrupted him, “Hyung, it’s my life. Please respect my decision”, and Minho couldn’t argument with that, but he was willing to try.

“Minho-hyung, _please_ ”, Hyunjin begged, and ultimately Minho nodded.

“Fine, but if you don’t find a way to talk to him, I’ll intervene.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Despite the poor relationship they had, Jisung and Hyunjin didn’t really fight. Hyunjin mostly stayed out of his way and tried not to piss him off. He had to admit it was hard when they had lunch together literally every day, but he did his best, keeping himself off the conversation if Jisung was involved, and it seemed like Jisung did the same.

There were times that fighting was inevitable though. Changbin was happily inviting them to a party, telling them they _had_ to go, because they didn’t usually get invited and it was an opportunity to meet new people and maybe change that drought of “university life”, as he had said so himself. And Jisung seemed to be in a good mood to tease and play, because the first thing he added to the conversation was “we’d be invited to more parties if we didn’t have gloomy Hwang sticking around us”.

Hyunjin didn’t mind playful teasing, he really didn’t. It was Minho’s specialty and since meeting the older one, Seungmin had taken a liking to it as well. Hyunjin took it lightly, it was funny and it made him laugh. But that didn’t sound playful to his ears, it sounded mean.

“What the fuck do you mean, Han?”, he bit back with a growl.

“Well, you and your fancy choice of fashion don’t really help people think we’re normal”, Hyunjin saw fire. He wanted to throw Jisung into the deepest pits of hell. He heard Minho get up, but he was already up himself, pointing a finger at Jisung’s face.

“You wash your mouth before saying shit about me, Jisung. You have no idea what you’re talking about”, Chan stood up as well, holding his arm that wasn’t pointing at the boy in fear Hyunjin would actually launch at him. Jisung only scoffed and leaned back on his chair, arms crossed and a cocky smile plastered on his face. “Oh yeah? You say that like I don’t know you have filth written all over you. Did you ever stop and think maybe you deserve it Hwang? Or are you so stuck up your ass you’ve never considered it?”

Hyunjin wanted to cry and run away. Why did it have to hurt so much? Why did Jisung have to be so mean? Fuck taking his shit any longer... He freed himself from Chan and launched at Jisung, over the table, his long legs kicking everything on their path, going straight for a punch on that stupid face. He hated himself for thinking to avoid hitting directly on his mouth as the chair tumbled back, making Jisung fall with Hyunjin on top of him. Hyunjin straddled him and threw another punch before the table broke in shouts and everyone moved to peel him away from the smaller boy.

Chan and Changbin managed to get him away from Jisung with some effort, but they had to drag him away from the boy so he’d not get back on top of him. Jisung was helped up by Felix and Seungmin whilst Minho watched with a deadpan.

“Fucking crazy bastard”, Jisung spat the blood on his mouth on the floor.

“You deserved it”, Minho told him, and Jisung looked at him surprised. “What?! The fucker attacked me and I deserved it?!”, Jisung shouted, not used to Minho standing against him.

“You literally offended him first without reason whatsoever. You antagonise him since day one and he always just takes it. If you want to know, I’m surprised he endured it for so long. If it were me, I’d have extracted a tooth or two already”, Minho said sternly. “Maybe I _will_.”

Jisung was stunned, shocked beyond belief. “Now he’s got _you_ against me? What the fuck?”

“You were the one that got me against you with your childish behaviour, Jisung! Stop being an asshole to Hyunjin without any reason!”, he yelled, unable to hold himself back. if he couldn't punch him he'd at least shove the truth down Jisung's throat.

“Who said I don’t have a fucking reason?”, he shouted.

“Then please enlighten me, what has he ever done to you?”, Minho crossed his arms and leaned back, waiting.

“This arrogant fucker messed with my sister! Betrayed her, talked shit behind her back and then played victim with that fake fucking smile plastered on his face! My sister had to change schools because of him! She goes to _therapy_ because of him!”, Jisung cried, fisted his hair and groaned in anger.

“What the fuck do you mean? The first day you saw him was his first day here!”, Minho got up and banged his hand on the table.

“Fuck no! My sister had hundreds of pictures with him! Hundreds, Minho! When I first heard Felix say his name after the entrance ceremony I already knew the kind of guy he was! You’re all blinded by that stupid fake persona he created!”

Minho sat back down. This wasn’t working. Had Hyunjin really left Jisung’s sister heartbroken? It didn’t seem likely, wasn’t Hyunjin gay? His gut feeling told him something didn’t quite add up. Firstly it didn’t sound like Hyunjin at all to spread rumours about anyone. Secondly Hyunjin… _gay as fuck Hyunjin_ with Jisung’s _sister_? Huh, that didn’t sound right either. And third and most importantly, Hyunjin was Jisung’s soulmate. If Jisung had seen him, even through pictures before they had met, Hyunjin would’ve had words on him before university, which he hadn’t.

“God, I hate him”, Minho grimaced at Jisung’s words. That would surely show up on Hyunjin.

“Jisung, shut up! Let me tell you something…”, Minho sighed. Shit, Hyunjin would hate him if this didn’t work out, but he had to try. “It couldn’t have been Hyunjin on those pictures with your sister. And the name, I don’t know! He’s not the only Hwang Hyunjin on the planet!”

Jisung frowned. Just what nonsense was Minho spiting now? “Jisung, listen to me, you stupid oaf!”, he leaned on the table and grabbed Jisung’s face, looking into his eyes. “You couldn’t have seen Hyunjin before university because the words showed up only after classes started!”, Minho growled. “You’ve been hating on him for something he didn’t even do!”, he shoved Jisung away and got up.

“I don’t get it…”

“He’s your soulmate, Sungie”, Minho gulped and his voice quivered. There was no turning back now. “And he’s showered you in pretty words even with the way you’ve treated him. Do you really think he’s someone who’d spread shit about your sister?”, Jisung’s face fell.

“He’s-“

“Your soulmate, you dimwit!!”, Minho cried. “And you’ve been hurting him for months now… and he’s been quiet because he’s too forgiving and way more stupid than you!”

Jisung stood up on shaky legs and breathless. Hyunjin was his soulmate? How? He looked astounded at Minho, the boy's eyes filled with tears and yet unwavering. Shit… if this was true…

“I… I need to think”, he rasped and stumbled away, unable to look at Felix or Seungmin or… anyone but Minho really. If what Minho said was true… fuck…

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Hyunjin entered his room and slammed the door behind him, locking Chan and Changbin outside to the sound of their complaints. “ _Leave me alone!_ ”, he wailed.

He shrugged off his turtle neck and looked at the wardrobe mirror. _Hate_ , right over his heart. He screeched and grabbed the first thing he saw, throwing it at his image. The mirror shattered, he could faintly hear Chan banging at the door and asking what was going on, Changbin shouting for him to open the door and twisting the doorknob desperately. He sank to his knees and sobbed, snot clogging his nose and dripping on his hands – _pitiful_. He shouted and screamed until he got tired, until he had no tears to shed anymore.

He was so tired, but he made himself take a long shower, using all of his good expensive stuff that he had neglected for months. He didn’t get out until there was no hot water anymore and his skin was red and burned from being scrubbed. He let his mind shut off for a second, listening to the consistent sound of the water stream on his face, on his back, on his shoulders and neck.

He got out of the bathroom and his room on his underwear only, too tired to care if Chan and Changbin, who were sitting by the door waiting for him to come out, saw him like that; raw and ugly. He stopped at the threshold and let them stare. Let them hug him and cry in his stance, take him to Felix’s bed – since it was bigger – and cuddle him to sleep as his tears fell down his expressionless face. He felt numb, and it wasn’t any better from all the pain he had felt for months.

The next day he sent them away to class, Felix that had resorted to sleep in Hyunjin's room included. He wouldn’t be going, but they should. Felix complained and whined, he wanted to stay as much as Chan and Changbin, but he sent him away as well. He needed to be alone to grieve, because as much as Jisung hated him, he couldn’t bring himself to hate the boy, and it was so _so_ painful to know he had lost him for good. Lost him? He had never had him in the first place, his mind cruelly provided.

Jisung hated him.

He wrapped himself on his fluffiest blanket and cried to sleep again. He was so tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥺 hmmmmm I’m sorry? Things will get better, I promise :3
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter and Curious Cat (for people that like to be anon) @lexinie5.
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**


	4. Forgive to grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan searched his face.  
> “You’re going to fix this”, he said finally. Jisung looked up. “I… how can I fix it? I was”, he sniffled, “I was _cruel_ , hyung”, he shook Chan, gripped his shirt and hid on his chest. “I was _cruel_ to him.”  
> Chan’s lips quivered. It hurt so much seeing Jisung like this, seeing Hyunjin marked with all kinds of horrible things while knowing it was what his soulmate thought of him. It hurt knowing _Jisung_ thought that of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for delaying showing Jisung’s side of the story, but we’re finally at that point!
> 
> We’ll also have some development towards his ~redemption~. I’ve mentioned on the comment section that I’m quite anxious regarding that >.< I really hope I manage have you babies feeling like he redeemed himself, but different cultures and people in general have very different takes on what one should do to redeem themselves, so have in mind this is just what I thought would work for Hyunjinie on this work! And it doesn't happen all in one go either, so don't think I'll just give Sungie the cake so easily xD
> 
> Also thank you for all the comments, I’m so happy with the response I’m getting to this work <3 it’s such an ego booster 🥰 
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**

His mirrored image mocked him as he glanced from word to word: cute, bright, smart, kind, honest, caring, annoying, loyal, confident, cocky, stubborn, annoying, workaholic… he could see all of those in him, they were traits anyone that had met him could probably agree on. Or perhaps it was just his confidence making him think highly of himself. But he had never understood unfair, or judgemental. He scratched at the words with a sob caught in his throat, dragged his nail painfully across his chest to where a new word had formed.

 _Cruel_.

Jisung had been cruel. He shouted at his disgusting reflected self and punched it, shattering the mirror. He couldn’t bare looking at it… how had Hyunjin managed to endure it? He let his cut up hand rest on his side as he dropped on his knees, scrunching his eyes and shoving the heel of his good hand on his eye socket, a feeble attempt to keep his tears in. God, he hated himself. _What had he done? How had this happened?_ He had always dreamed of meeting his soulmate and doing right by them, he wanted nothing more than have his other half with him – just like any other. He had searched relentlessly on that fucking campus for his soulmate when the first words appeared…

He wept, but he felt like he had no right to. Suddenly the memory of the joyful moments he’d had during the whole semester felt bitter on his tongue. He had laughed, had hanged out with his friends thinking everything was fine while Hyunjin agonised alone. It hurt, and it wrenched his heart painfully. What had he done? How could he?

He should’ve asked Hyunjin, should’ve shoved a finger on his face and asked about his sister instead of bottling things up. Shit, he thought Hyunjin was playing dumb, mocking him that everything was fine whilst his sister descended into despair. So he had stayed quiet, plotting his revenge, trying to make hell of his life. Fuck, and he had managed that, hadn’t he?

Jisung was cruel. So cruel. Hyunjin should’ve maimed him, he deserved it.

Chan found him on the bathroom floor hours later. Silently tugged him up, and Jisung let him. Maybe Chan would punch him too. “Go to your room and sit on the bed”, Jisung didn’t ask why, just wobbled on dormant legs and sore knees to do what Chan had told him. He kicked things on his way, his room as messy as always and sat on his bed, empty eyes staring at nothing. In his mind he could only see Hyunjin looking in the mirror in so much more pain than him, eyes following the horrible words that Jisung himself didn’t know for sure what might be, but certainly none were good. Because, fuck, he thought he hated Hyunjin.

However… did he know Hyunjin at all? If it wasn’t from his preconceived impressions of him, what else did he know? They had… no, _he_ had basically ignored the boy most of the semester, and every interaction he could remember he’d had with him had been cold and bitter.

The weight in his chest increased, the solid mass that were his guilt and self-hatred trying to crush him. He couldn’t feel himself sobbing, or his chest heaving in shuddery hitched breaths, or the needlepoint numbness that enveloped his arms, but his room felt cold, so cold.

“Jisung, you need to calm down”, he shook his head with his eyes scrunched. “You need to breath in and out really deep, ok?”, Chan forced turned his head, “Look at me.”

“Hyung, I… I should just d…”, Chan cupped his face, “You should do what you’re told and breathe in deeply, Han Jisung”, he said sternly. The harshness of his tone only served to make him cry harder, but he obeyed, because even as horrible a person he was, Chan was still there beside him and he didn’t want him to leave. “That’s it. Sorry I talked like that, but you were panicking and I had to bring you back”. Chan grabbed the first aid kit he had brought from the bathroom and started to patch up Jisung’s hand and bruised cheek. “You’re paying for that mirror.”

“Yes, hyung”, he croaked, not daring to look at Chan’s face, voice raw and eyes stinging from screaming and crying. He didn’t have the right to do neither after what he had done to Hyunjin. His _soulmate_. For how long had Hyunjin known? Had Jisung been so bad to him he’d been scared to tell him? Why the fuck did he look like his sister’s ex-boyfriend? “And you’re apologising to our neighbours. We got a noise complaint from all your screaming.”

“Yes, hyung”, he remained quiet. Chan searched his face.

“You’re going to fix this”, he said finally. Jisung looked up. “I… how can I fix it? I was”, he sniffled, “I was _cruel_ , hyung”, he shook Chan, gripped his shirt and hid on his chest. “I was _cruel_ to him.”

Chan’s lips quivered. It hurt so much seeing Jisung like this, seeing Hyunjin marked with all kinds of horrible things while knowing it was what his soulmate thought of him. It hurt knowing _Jisung_ thought that of him. A call to Minho has things cleared up to him though, and he’d be lying if he didn’t say he felt guilty. He should’ve intervened, done something to help Hyunjin, fuck, all of them should’ve. He should’ve talked sense into Jisung, he… he should’ve done more for his friends. If he had done more this misunderstanding wouldn’t have stuck for so long.

“You’re going to figure this out yourself”, he made Jisung look at him. “You’re going to fix this, Jisung. Clear up this misunderstanding with your sister, maybe then you’ll get your head in a place where you can do something about Hyunjin”, Chan sighed, “He never gave up trying to be friends with you and he doesn’t hate you, if you give him the chance he’ll show you he’s the kindest of souls. You can fix this before it ends up with both of you broken.”

Jisung nodded, “Yes, hyung. I want to fix this. I’ll do it somehow…”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

It was the next day, and the sun was almost setting behind the rows of houses, his parent’s own house hidden in soft shadows that made it seem oddly eery to Jisung. Although truth be told, he was just scared of facing the truth. His parents shouldn’t be home from work yet, but his sister was likely in her room back from school. He knocked on his sister’s door. “Come in!”

“What happened?”, she hurried to his side when she noticed his swollen bandaged face, grabbed the first-aid kit she kept under her bed when she saw his hand, also bandaged up, but very poorly so. It’s been a while since her big brother had fought anyone, his rogue days on high school long gone. He didn’t say anything though, only let her fix the bandaging on his hand silently.

“I…”, Jisung said after she was done, breathed in deeply, “How have you been?”

“Ah, a bit better I guess…”, she smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her beautiful round eyes. “I still have nightmares, but I’m getting better. Therapy has helped a lot”, this second smile was more sincere, and Jisung was glad.

“Do you mind if I ask you something about… that guy?”, her eyes widened. “Did _he_ do this to you?!”, Jisung rolled his eyes. “Obviously not, don’t worry”, he adverted his eyes to her desk, messy, and yet never as messy as his was when he was in high school. His sister had always been more put together than him, more mature.

“I don’t know why you want to know about him, but you can ask…”, she bit her lip. “I know what happened messed with your head too… I’m sor-“

“You have nothing to apologise for, sis. Absolutely nothing”, Jisung chided, sighing in relief when she nodded in agreement. “That shitty ex-boyfriend of yours. What was his name?”, he fondled with his fingers, a nervous tick he couldn’t shake off. She frowned at him.

“Just answer my question, please”, he fought back the tears. He really didn’t need to stress his sister with this.

“Hwang Hyunjun…”

Jisung paled and his lungs emptied, “Fuck fuck _fuck_ ”, he smacked his forehead as his sister trying to grab his hands and stop him. “What is it Sungie?”, she wiped the tears away from his face so they wouldn’t wet the bandage on his cheek, “What’s going on?”

“I… I need to see a picture of the guy, do you have one?”, she frowned at him. “You’re not going after him, right? Because I don’t want that, oppa!”

“No no, baby, I won’t, I promise. It’s just…”, he sighed, “I thought I saw him somewhere, and I need to know if it was him or not. It’s… really important.”

“I don’t, mom burned them… but you can search his instagram…”, Jisung pulled his phone out and handed it to her. The guy… he did look a lot like Hyunjin but there were also significant differences. He didn’t have that beauty spot Hyunjin had under his eyes, and his lips were a bit thinner. Their build was the biggest difference between them, Hyunjun being on the buffer side whilst Hyunjin was lithe, elegant. God fucking damn it. Jisung was so fucking stupid.

His sister saw his distress and petted his head. “What’s going on, Sungie-oppa?”, he stuttered a breath and shook his head, a manic twisted smile on his lips.

“I’m the worst, that’s what!”, he shouted, startling her, which only made him cry harder. “S-sorry”, he whimpered, moving to get up. “Thank you for your help. I- I need to go.”

“Wait! What happen-“, she stared at her open door, Jisung not even letting her finish her question.

He ran as fast as he could to Felix’s home, not bothering with a bus. He needed to let this darkness out somehow, or he’d go crazy. By the time he got to Felix’s it was dark out already and sweat made his shirt stuck annoyingly to his skin.

When Felix opened the door and saw him, he slapped him across the face. His head swung to the side and his eyes stung, but he didn’t try to dodge it. He deserved it, as Minho had said. “I’m th-the worst, ‘Lix”, he said softly as his voice was rough from crying, dry from running. His legs hurt, and his breathing was ragged, but it didn’t matter. “You should’ve slapped me on the side that’s already hurt. It’d hurt more.”

“You’re the dumbest asshole I’ve ever met, Jisung”, Felix’s voice was also rough from crying, it faltered and wavered, “But you’re not the worst yet. Fix this mess you’ve made. I need-”, he whimpered, “I need my two friends back!”, he pulled him inside and closed the door. “He’s been in his room since yesterday. He hasn’t eaten or drank any water.”

Jisung’s heart clenched. This was all his fault, he wanted to throw up, he was the worst. _The worst_.

"What happened to your hand?", Felix looked at him with concern.

"I broke a mirror", he shrugged. Felix was stunned, but Jisung didn’t notice. "Can I see him?”

Jisung waited as Felix walked to Hyunjin’s room.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Hyunie, he’s here”, Hyunjin grimaced. He knew Jisung would probably look for him, but not so soon. He wasn’t ready. “Send him away. I have nothing to say to him.”

“Hyunie, please… you need to talk to him…”, Felix pleaded.

“Give me a reason”, he heard nothing but silence for a minute, even though Felix had given up, bu then Felix’s voice, muffled by the door told him, “You know… you can send him away, but I think he’ll just wait outside our door… he looks determined.”

“Then let him”, Felix groaned, but walked to the living room where Jisung stood as stiff as a stone where he had left him. “He’s not up for it.”

Jisung’s lips trembled, but he nodded quietly. “I’ll wait outside, when he changes his mind just call me”, just as he had predicted, Felix thought with a sigh.

Next morning Felix tried to find Jisung outside their door, but the boy was nowhere to be found and Hyunjin was still locked in his room. He was lost as to what to do. A knock on the door got him hopeful, maybe Jisung was back!

But it was just Chan. “Wow, don’t look so dejected to see me”, he snorted. “You know that’s not it, I just thought Jisung was back.”

“Oh, Jisung is here, but he’s by the stairs, he thought if Hyunjin wanted to go out and he was here he might make him uncomfortable”, Felix’s eyes widened. “Oh… of course… I forgot for a second he’s not always a dick.”

Chan laughed, “Well, yeah, duh, that’s why he’s our friend”, he glanced towards the corridor that led to both rooms, “Is he…?”

“Locked, dehydrated and starved”, Chan sighed in time with Felix. It felt like they had been sighing too much these days. “I’ll get him to open the door and talk to Jisung.”

“I’ve tried but…”, Chan pinched his freckled cheek, “Did you think of mentioning that Minho spilled the tea to Jisung? ‘Cause Hyunjin wasn’t there to know…”

Felix cursed under his breath, “I…”

“You forgot”, Chan giggled. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Hyunie, please open the door for hyung”, he heard Hyunjin groan and roll on the bed, nothing more. A vein twitched on his forehead. He knocked three more times and changed the tone of his voice, “Hyunjin, open the door for hyung right now.”

Hyunjin whined behind the locked door, but Chan heard him scrambling to let him inside. He didn’t look in his eyes, but Chan didn’t need him to. He let the boy accommodate on the bed and sat by the edge of it. Beating around the bush was pointless so he started. “That day Minho told Jisung you’re his soulmate.”

Hyunjin gasped, hands flying to cover his open mouth. Chan continued, “Jisung has been shitty as fuck to you, but he’s been outside and he wants to talk. I’ll let him in unless you’re really against it.”

The air in the room felt stale, Hyunjin had closed the window and the blinds, and he smelled heavily of sweat and anxiety – if that was a smell at all. Chan could see the panic in his eyes, something that looked like anger, and Hyunjin wasn’t really breathing out, frozen with his hands over his mouth and huge eyes, red from crying or maybe from not sleeping. “Breathe, Hyunjinie”, he petted his back, and Hyunjin let a long exhale.

“I… Minho-hyung shouldn’t have… I…”, Hyunjin mumbled with teary eyes.

“He had to and you know it, baby. This was getting out of hand…”, Chan sighed, “If I had known… I’d have told him as well.”

Hyunjin nodded amidst his crying. “It’s- It’s ok”, he sniffled, “I understand.”

“You should talk to him.”

Hyunjin whimpered and cleaned his nose, “I can’t hate him”, he said as if it answered what Chan wanted to know, and it sort of did, but Chan needed more than that. “That’s good, baby, but does that mean I can let him in?”

Hyunjin didn’t seem to know the answer himself. “Hyung, part of me wants me to let him in, but the other wants to know… why should I after what he’s done?”, he asked faintly.

“Hyunie…”, Chan tried to find the right words in his head. Why _would_ Hyunjin let Jisung in? If it were him and Felix had hurt him so badly… he didn’t think he’d be able to turn away either, but why?

He smiled wryly. It was kind of stupid, and maybe it shouldn’t matter, but when it came down to it, that’s what he’d want to know huh… “I think you want to let him in _exactly_ because you need to know why”, Hyunjin swallowed dryly and nodded.

“I think you’re right”, and he was sobbing again. Chan waited for him to calm down, hugged him tightly and told him things would be ok. He didn’t know how, but he knew it somehow.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Jisung’s figure was shadowed by someone stepping behind him on the stairs, and as he looked back he got a little nod in response to his silent question, and he perked up, stumbling to get up and follow him inside. Felix followed him around in silence as he walked to the kitchen first. He grabbed a bottle and filled it with water and Felix had to smile. It had been hard remembering Jisung was more than the guy who broke Hyunjin’s heart, but seeing him like this gave him hope. Maybe Jisung _could_ fix this _._ Facing the door to Hyunjin’s room with Felix still on his heels, he finally spoke, his voice sounding as rough as his, “You can go, Lix. I need to do this alone.”

“What if he decides to kill you?”, Felix said darkly leaning on the corridor wall.

“Then let him”, Felix looked surprised at his answer, but shrugged and went to his room to join Chan, leaving Jisung to deal with his mess alone.

He had to knock a few more times to get Hyunjin to open the door, and it surprised him Hyunjin didn’t try to kill him on the spot. It surprised him even more that he somehow knew Hyunjin would never do something like that. Chan had said Hyunjin was kind, right? Perhaps deep down he knew it as well. Jisung had never seen him get truly angry at anyone but him. But he deserved it.

His chest hurt as he studied Hyunjin’s back and his leg, the boy not bothering to cover himself up.

Hyunjin sat on the bed, waiting his next move with a dead stare, but Jisung was stuck in place looking at him. No, looking at what he had done to him. It was as bad as he had imagined. He didn’t think he had any spare water to fuel his tears anymore, but he felt his eyes well-up regardless. It was all his fault, damn, he needed to fix this even if it killed him. He approached the bed in slow measured steps, and Hyunjin scooted to give him space beside him. Shit, it stung badly seeing it. Jisung had been really blinded by hate, hadn’t he? After all he had done, how could he still think of giving him space?

He kneeled in front on Hyunjin instead and bowed his head. “I won’t ask for forgiveness, because I don’t think I deserve it. I’ve been…”, his throat locked up and he had to swallow the knot stuck there, “I’ve been the worst fucking person to you. But believe me when I say I’m sorry”, he gulped again, this time to swallow the bile that threatened to rise, and kept his head down.

“Really? Wasn’t it the day before yesterday that you decided you hated me?”, it was like a layer of ice coated Hyunjin’s words. Jisung looked up. “It was. But the one I hate isn’t you. The word will shrink and fade, I swear to you.”

“Oh, it wasn’t me?”, Hyunjin asked, skeptical. Jisung sighed and told his sister’s story.

It only made Hyunjin angrier to know. He slapped Jisung’s face, and the bandage dislodged, falling to the ground. Hyunjin was taken aback for a second, it wasn’t like him to hit someone, specially someone who was already hurt. What was happening to him? But he was so _angry_. “You were unfair and cruel, Han Jisung. You've hurt me because of a fucking _misunderstanding_?!”

“You're right, I was unfair and cruel. But I’m so sorry, Hyunjin, what he did to my sister, I was just so blind! When I saw you and I thought you were him and the name was so fucking similar...”, Jisung cried.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you”, Hyunjin added, albeit knowing deep in his core that it was a lie. He was just angry and hurt, but that would pass and he’d return to himself.

“I understand. You shouldn’t, I'm not asking you to. I don’t deserve it.”

“I’m not these things you think about me… or this Hyunjin you created in your head.”

Jisung nodded. “I’m sorry. I… what can I do, Hyunjin? I want to do things right, but I fucked everything up. And I’ve hurt you so bad I don’t think anything I do will ever make me redeem myself enough. But even if you can't forgive me, I’ll do whatever you need me to do to make things better for you”, he sniffled, his red-rimmed eyes boring into Hyunjin’s unwavering ones. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me ever again. I’ll change schools, move away from here, anything you need.”

Hyunjin felt cold, bitter and hurt. He took in the words Jisung threw at him like a kid that didn’t know what to do with themselves. Jisung didn’t seem to understand he’d never wanted him to disappear. With how fate connected them, it’d be impossible for them to stay away from each other anyway. That’s just how things worked. They’d end up bumping into each other, maybe working on the same company, perhaps living close to one another and meeting at the nearby cafe daily. If fate was sick enough, they’d end up dependant on each other somehow. It was inevitable.

He just didn’t want to hurt anymore. He wanted Jisung to see him for who he was and he wanted those words to fade away from his skin. He looked at the ceiling, unsure of how things could ever get better between them, unsure if it was worth the pain he’d probably face having to look at Jisung’s face every day until they healed. But between facing this challenge and having to cross paths with Jisung only to remember his worst days… always bitter and angry, he preferred to try and fix things.

He didn’t hate Jisung. So he’d give him another chance. “I’ll tell you what I need you to do, Jisung”, he started, and Jisung straightened up, ready to accept whatever it was.

“I want you to come get me every morning so we go to campus together. And you’ll hold my hand until you drop me by my classroom”, Jisung gaped at him, eyes welling up again, his head nodding earnestly. “You’ll sit beside me on lunchtime, and we’re going to hang out on Sundays, just the two of us”, Jisung continued to nod, and he looked kind of silly if Hyunjin was sincere. He couldn’t help but want to laugh at the boy’s reaction, the pain in his heart and the throb in his head keeping him from it – but he wanted to. Maybe things would be ok if he tried again, without misunderstandings, without any silence between them.

“We’re going to talk instead of throw silent daggers at each other”, Hyunjin leaned forward with this elbows on his knees. “You’re going to tell me shit instead of assuming them and hating me without reason. And you'll look at me for who I am. Yes?”

“Y-yes”, Jisung whimpered. “B-but are you sure?”

“If what you said is true… then if we start over we might be ok, right?”, Hyunjin asked. He wasn’t sure he was that comfortable with his own plan, but he was willing to try.

“Are you sure you don’t want to punch me?”

Hyunjin huffed. “I’ve punched you enough”, he reached own and pressed on the bruise on Jisung’s cheek lightly, and the boy cried harder, if of pain or relief that Hyunjin didn’t feel like punching him he didn’t know.

“But”, Hyunjin sighed, “I’m still angry, and differently from you, I don’t like writing hurtful things on my soulmate. So we’ll do all that after my skin is clear of these”, he pointed at his chest. “And I’m less overwhelmed by everything. I need to clear my head.”

“Yes”, Jisung whimpered. “I’m so sorry, Hyunjin”, he bowed again. “At this point I’ll need to see it to believe it, Jisung.”

Jisung hesitantly offered the water bottle to Hyunjin, who eyed it warily before taking it. "Thank you."

That night Hyunjin invaded Felix’s bed, not bothering that with Chan there it made it a bit too cramped for them to fit comfortably. His two friends didn’t seem to mind it either, glad that he looked a bit more alive than the night before. “Will you be ok, Hyunie?”, Felix’s breath ghosted over his neck.

“I don’t know.”

“I thought you’d not want to see him anymore”, Chan brushed Hyunjin’s hair with his fingers. “I don’t think I can hate him”, Hyunjin admitted.

“You’re too kind. He might hurt you again”, Chan frowned. “Maybe. But he can be kind too, you know that. I want to believe him”, Hyunjin countered.

Felix hummed. “He’s never been kind to you though.”

“He thought I had fucked his sister, betrayed her and thrown dirt at her name”, Hyunjin shrugged. “I’m not saying that’s an excuse or that I forgive him, but I understand him in a way… He was sure I was the guy that did it.”

“If he hurts you again…”, Felix started, and Hyunjin smiled as he completed, “If he hurts me again, you can kill him.”

“I was gonna say that Minho would kill him, actually”, Felix joked to lighten the mood, and Hyunjin had to laugh along with him and Chan. “Sure, that’s better anyway. Minho would torture him beforehand.”

It was good being able to laugh again.

No matter how hurt he was, it was relieving knowing the words he hated so much would disappear, that Jisung hated someone else and not him. His heart felt lighter, his neck wasn’t as tense anymore, he didn’t feel like hiding and he didn’t feel disgusting. He could finally rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really interested in knowing what you guys think of their development 🤧 🤧 Things are slowly getting better 🥲 I hope you read the tags and saw that slow burn was written there… but hey! Things are on their way now :D 
> 
> And sorry if you were expecting fluff on this chapter, but the choice was to stop the story here or leave you guys with an even bigger cliff-hanger. I’m not that merciless, so believe me when I say this was a good spot to break the chapter xD 
> 
> Also i want to ramble a bit on my view on his “redemption”, if you’re not interested in that, just skip this paragraph xD The thing is, I wrote Hyunjin as a forgiving person for a reason and it ties up with Jisung’s redemption strongly. I don’t think anything can redeem anyone if the other part is not willing to forgive. I could make Jisung give Hyunjin the world, but if Hyunjin was not willing to forgive and embrace Jisung as the flawed human that he is, things would always fall back to zero and none of you would ever forgive him either 🤧 ‘cause as I wrote this mostly on Hyunjin’s pov, you’d most likely take his side. Of course, Jisung’s guilt and obvious work on trying to do right by Hyunjin is important, but Hyunjin letting him do so is what gets things going. Forgiving his a hard thing to do, but as I see it, it's crucial to redemption. So, yeah. You can comment if you agree or not on this as well~ I’m curious if I’m crazy or if it makes sense to you babies as well 😌
> 
> Please look forward to the next chapter~
> 
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated, it boosts my ego like crazy and validates my work 🥺
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter and Curious Cat (for people that like to be anon) @lexinie5.
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**


	5. I can see me in you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a road full of ups and downs, but they were slowly finding themselves on each other as weeks passed, the words scattered on their skins sweet when they had once been so bitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it’s the much needed relationship/character development that we need 😌 We’ll get to see their first reencounter, their new dynamics~ I’m excited~ :3 It won’t all be flowers, but damn, they’re cute ok?
> 
> Chapter title from I am YOU, Stray Kids. 🥺 I was listening to it and geez, some parts of it kind of fit this work >.< (although that wasn’t planned)
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**

Hyunjin eyed his broken mirror with a sigh. What the hell had he been thinking? What if he had years of bad luck because of this? Not to mention he could still find pieces of the stupid thing on the floor, there was just not enough cleaning to make all the bitty pieces disappear.

It had been almost a month since he last tried to check his marks. He knew _annoying_ and _melodramatic_ were still there, both visible when he looked down on his arms. Part of him was scared the others would still be there, that his talk to Jisung had been a hallucination, that there was no misunderstanding and the boy truly hated him. More than once he had fact-checked reality with Changbin, his friend recounting the events with him to assure him it had been very real.

“Lixie!”, he shouted, already walking to the boy’s room. Felix lifted his head from Chan’s chest, the other boy’s chest rising and falling steadily. “Lend me your mirror, my wardrobe’s mirror is broken and the one we have in the bathroom is tiny”, the freckled boy lolled his head and Hyunjin chuckled, carrying the mirror Felix hung on the wall to the bathroom without expecting further answer. He needed privacy for this… if he took off his turtle neck and saw the same things still there… he didn’t know how he’d react really.

He had been mostly fine during the month, between cuddles with Felix and Chan, drinking expensive overly drinks Seungmin brought him from the cafe and watching movies with Changbin and Minho, his mind had been distracted enough that he didn’t feel too anxious about what was to come. The time had come he had to face himself again though. If what Jisung had said was true, if he had really reflected and regretted thinking those things of him, the words should’ve faded already. The ones on his arms were still there though, and despite the fact that it was probably because he _was_ indeed melodramatic and annoying, proudly so, it left him fearful of what laid underneath his turtle neck.

His cries were hiccuped as he saw himself in the clean mirror. _Frivolous_ wasn't strangling his neck, _hate_ wasn’t tainting his chest, _self-centred_ and _fake_ were also gone. He turned around slowly. _Arrogant_ was gone, _pitiful_ was gone, and most importantly, _bastard_ and _disgusting_ were gone. He ran out of the bathroom naked and jumped both on the bed, earning him two screams.

He laughed and stood up on the bed, unashamed of his nakedness and turned around to show them he was clean with a beaming smile, as bright as the sun. “Hyunie… this is amazing!”, Felix got up on the bed, now wide awake, hopping happily with Hyunjin on the bed. Chan smiled fondly at them.

“This isn’t even the best part, Hyunie”, Chan beckoned him as he grabbed his phone. “Here”, he pulled Hyunjin to sit down, “Turn around.”

Hyunjin turned, and Chan got his ponytail out of the way, then he heard the shutter. Chan handed him his phone.

 _Strong_.

Felix and Chan hugged him tightly as he ugly cried, his snot dirtying Felix’s shirt, but the boy didn’t mind. Their prince was happy, that was all that mattered.

Jisung thought he was _strong_ , his chest swelled with pride.

Hyunjin searched Jisung’s number on his phone. This would be the first message he’d send directly at him. He wanted it to be memorable, something they would talk about in the future when things weren’t so awkward, when Hyunjin didn’t feel so hurt anymore. He wasn’t that creative though, so he had to settle for a simple: `You can take me to campus today.`

Maybe it wasn’t anything memorable or witty or funny, but something told him Jisung would like it. God, he hoped he did, because this times things had to work out.

Chan and Felix left early “to give him space”, but he knew his inquietude was making them nervous. How could he not be anxious though?

“If anything happens, if he’s mean or… whatever really. Just call us”, they said as they left. It warmed his heart that his friends were so set on protecting him, but after seeing his body washed of all the hate, he felt confident.

When Jisung rang the bell Hyunjin had already been standing by the door for ten minutes with his backpack on his shoulder. He felt kind of silly despite his confidence, that uncomfortable bubbly feeling resting insistently on the pit of his stomach. It was like he’d be meeting Jisung for the first time and, simultaneously, it felt like he was waiting for a bomb to explode without knowing which wire to cut. He settled in telling himself that things would be different, that he didn’t need to worry, because he was strong so he could go through with it.

He had cut his hair a few days prior, and although it was still shoulder length now it had shape. It was bleached again, up on a half-ponytail, his bangs framing his face in a way Felix had told him more than once made him look like a pretty prince. He was ready to cause an impression, ok? A good one hopefully.

He had dared to wear his “old” clothes again, a delicate dark blue button-up with some of the buttons left open, his best jeans and one of the shoes he had bought in the beginning of the semester but hadn’t worn yet, scared it’d make Jisung think he was flashy. He had even smudged some eyeshadow to top it all off. As soon as he was ready, he wanted to change back to the turtle neck or at least a hoodie, suddenly insecure again, but Felix had locked his room after pushing him to the living room, saying he looked too hot to change back.

He had to thank Felix later. Jisung’s jaw fell to the floor when he saw Hyunjin, his eyes travelled up and down his body twice – Hyunjin counted – as he blushed bright red. Hyunjin felt good under his gaze for the first time, the feeling making him bold enough to reach a finger under Jisung’s jaw to close it, and the boy seemed to snap out of it. That had been the impression he had wanted to leave on that godforsaken first day.

“Uh, y-you, I- you said that- here I…”, he gulped and looked down, red to the tip of his ears. Hyunjin chuckled, he was so cute all flustered – some things hadn’t changed, he guessed. Maybe if he had kept dressing himself up Jisung would’ve fallen for his graces sooner. “You said I could take you to campus…”, he sighed with a shy smile.

“Yeah”, Hyunjin said softly.

Jisung extended his hand, still not looking him in the eye. Or at all. It was cute, all of it – his bashfulness for being caught ogling Hyunjin, his scaredy eyes, his rosy chubby quokka cheeks. Hyunjin took his hand, his own as shaky as Jisung’s despite his forwardness, and guided them outside, didn’t release his hand while they walked. He wanted to bond properly, talk. He’d make this walk count.

“You know, annoying, irritating and melodramatic are still there”, he side-eyed Jisung holding back a laugh when the boy looked livid when he raised his head to Hyunjin. He looked ready to cry and it almost made Hyunjin feel guilty.

“I- I’m-“

“I’m messing with you. Those should be there still, because they’re true”, he giggled and squeezed Jisung’s hand to reassure him. “Don’t you think we fit, since we’re both annoying?”

It took a second for Jisung to react, but he screamed a “yah!” that didn’t sound as offended as Jisung had intended it to sound, if the hidden snort under his breath and the red on his cheeks that had only gotten more vibrant said anything, so Hyunjin took it as a win. “Is that good?”, Hyunjin hummed in question with a tilt to this head. “Is it good that we fit?”, Jisung frowned and looked down, looking so unsure of himself that Hyunjin wanted to coo. He definitely liked his Jisung better than the jerk that pushed him around for months.

“It is. Because that’s what I had wanted since the beginning”, he smiled fondly at Jisung. He looked so harmless and small walking beside him that Hyunjin felt silly for not taking action sooner. He should’ve just punched him on day 10 and everything would’ve been fine probably. His big eyes shone at him every time he had the courage to raise his head, and Hyunjin thought he’d never get tired of being on the receiving end of that look.

“I… Some of my marks are gone too”, Jisung smiled timidly. “Which ones?”

“C-cruel and unfair”, Hyunjin hadn’t known he had given him such harsh words, but he guessed it made sense. He had been cruel and unfair to him. He didn’t think Jisung was unfair now – he really thought he was someone else and said person had been awful.And in spite of Jisung being cruel to him, he wasn’t inherently so, Hyunjin didn’t think so. Acting cruel and being cruel were different things. 

Chan and Minho had kept him informed on Jisung’s mental state along the month, and if he had learned anything was that finding out what he had done had wrecked him badly. They had avoided each other on campus, and Hyunjin was glad Jisung had respected his time to get his head in a better place. As angry as he had been he wasn’t sure things would’ve gone well if they had forced themselves to move on.

“And now I have _funny_ on my ankle”, he giggled shyly, kind of awkwardly, like he didn’t know if he was allowed to, “I haven’t told you any jokes that I can remember though, so I’m confused.”

“Minho has told me some stories about you”, Jisung grimaced, but Hyunjin continued, “And I thought you were naturally funny with the others before, I guess it just wasn’t a strong enough of an impression compared to the others that I had”, Jisung looked down and tightened his grip on Hyunjin’s hand.

“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin leaned down to be eye level with the boy. “I know you are, don’t worry. I’ve had a lot of time to think this past month, I’m not that angry anymore”, he saw the corner of Jisung’s mouth tug up and simpered. Yeah, things would be just fine.

“I have a new one as well”, Hyunjin’s cheeks blushed as he continued, he didn’t want to spoil the mood so soon, they’d have more opportunities to talk about all those hurtful things again. Jisung looked scared, his hand was sweating so bad on Hyunjin’s that it was hard to keep a hold of it, it also ran down his temples and nape. Minho had told him about that as well – Jisung’s fear and anxiety, that he was struggling to deal with the fact that he was the ‘biggest asshole ever’, Minho’s words, and now Hyunjin could understand what he meant.

He knew the feeling well, the dread mixed with paranoia, and didn’t wish it to anyone, certainly not his soulmate. “Do… do you want to see it?”

Jisung gulped, big round eyes searching Hyunjin’s face with so much fear Hyunjin felt like a bully. He sighed and stopped on his tracks, cupped Jisung’s chubby squirrel cheeks. “You don’t have to be scared of me, Jisung. Nor of yourself. We agreed we’d try again and do things properly, right? Just be yourself. You’re ok. We’re ok.”

“B-but…”

“I’m hurt, you’re hurt. But we’re going to get better, right?”, Hyunjin cocked his head with raised brows. Jisung nodded, but stood stiffly nonetheless. Hyunjin turned around and pointed at his nape after pulling his hair to the side. In a second Jisung’s trembling fingers grazed his skin gently. He could hear him exhale in relief. “My handwriting is ugly, maybe I should take calligraphy classes.”

Hyunjin turned around, taking back the boy’s hand in his whilst chuckling. “I like it though, it’s cute like you.”

Jisung was sure Hyunjin’s new hobby was to make him flustered, but he couldn’t say he hated it. And the smile he had been holding back spread widely on his face.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Time heals. Hyunijn didn’t believe that exactly – commitment and dedication to get better healed –, but he believed that people changed with time, so in a way, time healed. Going on their third week sticking to each other as glue, Hyunjin could tell he and Jisung were healing. But it wasn’t easy.

Sometimes he’d panic, scared Jisung would come to hate him again and broke down in tears when they bickered about whatever trivial thing it was, being it what movie to watch or which hamburger was better at their favourite store. Jisung was proving himself to be very understanding though, he’d soothe Hyunjin and tell him he’d never hate him, that now that he knew who he truly was he couldn’t.

 _“You don’t have to be anything but yourself, Hyunjin. You’re enough as you are”_ , he’d tell him whilst rocking him back and forward, repeated it in a mantra until Hyunjin would fall asleep or at least calm down.

Sometimes it was Jisung that panicked, thought he had done something wrong because Hyunjin took a bit longer to reply his texts or when Hyunjin was just in a bad mood because of university – they were at the last bits of the semester after all. Hyunjin would soothe him then, tell him he didn’t have to be scared, that he knew Jisung had done nothing wrong this time and he wasn’t mad.

_“You didn’t mess up, Jisung, I’m not mad. I was just in a bad mood, ok? University is killing me.”_

There were times they broke down at the same time, and however better at communicating they had gotten, at such times it seemed as if they retroceded to step one. Thankfully their friends were there to help them up and get them talking things through again. Changbin had suggested they should go to soulmate therapy, but Hyunjin and Jisung refused it. They could do it if they trusted each other. Both of them believed it, and both of them were giving it their best.

It was a road full of ups and downs, but they were slowly finding themselves on each other as weeks passed, the words scattered on their skins sweet when they had once been so bitter. Hyunjin couldn’t pick a favourite of his, but Jisung had a special liking to _cute_. Which was cute on its own, Hyunjin thought, because he knew it had been his first impression of the boy. It showed on his heart-shaped smile and the pink that dusted his chubby quokka cheeks. Hyunjin had a big soft spot for them, so much so it was hard to hide his smile when Jisung stuffed them full and looked with big round eyes at him as he talked about his morning during lunch.

Oftentimes Hyunjin would find himself stuck facing the mirror, trying to choose a favourite one, or just committing every word to mind in case they disappeared.

_Charming, stunning, beautiful, righteous, clumsy, devoted, strong, generous, cute, forgiving._

Hyunjin teared-up whenever he took in the words. Perhaps he had a favourite one after all; Hyunjin was _forgiving_. That was what allowed him to stay with his stupid quokka soulmate, so it was probably his favourite.

And because of it, he currently had Jisung stuck to his side, both hiding behind a pillow because the boy had thought it’d be a good idea to choose a horror movie when they were both chickens. They had spent most of vacation time like this, snug against each other on the couch, or learning about each other’s favourite places. To his surprise Jisung didn’t have many of them, he was mostly an indoor person. He really liked his rented studio with Chan and Changbin, which only proved Hyunjin had been right about him being a workaholic.

A loud noise rattled on the tv and both of them startled, fists scrunching each other’s shirts more as they pulled themselves closer together. Hyunjin looked at him.

From this close, he could see each of Jisung’s eyelashes, the dark bags under his eyes highlighted by the blue light of the tv. Jisung stared back at him, and through his blown pupils Hyunjin could feel he had seen something in him. “Hyunie…”, he wet his lips, gulped loudly as he looked down to Hyunjin’s.

Hyunjin looked at Jisung’s shiny lips and ran his tongue over his own. The movie was forgotten, the screams and moans of pain drowned by the ringing in their ears as they closed the gap between them with a long-drawn contented sigh. After so much pain, it felt so right. Jisung circled a clammy hand around Hyunjin’s nape and climbed his lap slowly, unconsciously, without breaking the kiss.

Hyunjin hummed, his hands landing on Jisung’s waist hesitantly and running up his back to pull him even closer, raising shivers on their wake. As much as the kiss felt perfect, it was full of uncertainty, their fears still lingering in the back of their minds. When they separated they were short-winded and disconcerted, but didn’t try to peel away from each other, just panted into each other’s mouths. It felt so right, like finally something had clicked in place, yet it felt so dangerous, as if a wrong move and they’d be back to crying alone in their rooms.

They remained close despite their awkwardness, absolutely aware that they just had to let the moment sink in and the fear would fade away to be replaced with something better; they had threaded through that edge between pleasant and uncomfortable enough to know it. Both wouldn’t be able to tell who moved their hands first, lost into each others eyes and their buzzing minds, but their hands started to roam, free to explore, both exhilarated that finally they could map one another’s skin, goosebumps raising as they trailed new paths and opened new horizons.

Jisung grabbed the hem of Hyunjin’s shirt, “Can I? There’s something you need to see.”

Hyunjin nodded dumbly, completely lost on Jisung’s gaze to process what they boy had said. Jisung smiled at him, tugging on his shirt until it fell useless beside them. “Look down”, he said quietly with flushed cheeks. Hyunjin obeyed, but his head whiplashed up to meet Jisung’s eyes again in surprise, failing miserably as Jisung was looking down, eyes focused on the word right over Hyunjin’s heart, his fingers set on tracing each letter.

Hyunjin couldn’t look down or he’d cry, so he watched Jisung instead, his teary eyes and pink chubby cheeks, his face stretched in a beautiful heart-shaped smile. Jisung looked up again when he was satisfied with his work on writing over the word, meeting Hyunjin’s own flooded eyes. “I love you, Hyunie. I’m sorry I took so long, but thank you for waiting for me and accepting me despite how much I suck.”

He kissed Jisung since his voice was gone, trying to convey all his feelings through it even though it felt new and he felt the need to be careful. “I’d have waited forever”, he eventually said as he scrunched Jisung’s shirt up and placed his hand over Jisung’s heart, the boy following his eyes instantly. There, blooming right in front of them was Hyunjin’s answer.

“I love you too, Sungie.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Waking up to the warm breath of Hwang Hyunjin wasn’t something Jisung once thought possible. He still didn’t think he deserved it, sometimes the semblance of _cruel_ would pop in his mind, a constant reminder of what he had done to his soulmate. His mother had always told him that soulmate marks were more than just words on flesh, that there was something powerful about them, but with how vague that phrase was, he had never paid it too much attention.

He could grasp the meaning of what she said now; even with the word gone, it still hurt him, and it left him wondering just how much Hyunjin must hurt even still. They were close to six months officially together, so they had come a long way. And albeit Hyunjin didn’t show any signs of feeling hurt, Jisung knew better.

He felt Hyunjin go stiff at his side when someone stared too long at him. Obviously they were just awestruck by his beauty, but by Hyunjin’s reaction his mind was telling him something else – Jisung wasn’t sure what exactly, but if his mind instantly provided “frivolous” and “fake”, Hyunjin’s mind was probably on the same line. Maybe the words popped in his mind because they did on Hyunjin’s, their stronger than ever bond linking their feelings in mysterious ways.

Hyunjin’s reaction to when he was fighting with some girl over details on a group project and the girl told him not to be so full of himself was vivid in his mind. “Self-centred”, “arrogant”. Jisung had never struggled to hold back so bad, he wanted to crush that girl’s face under his fist and then drag it on the muddy floor. His only solace was Hyunjin’s hand on his shoulder and the fond smile he showed him. “She doesn’t mean it.”

But did it matter when it hurt him so bad?

Hyunjin was kind and forgiving, but he could see how those traits also were his vulnerability. Thankfully he was also the strongest person Jisung had ever met, and he was so in love and so proud of him.

Except he didn’t think he had the right to be part of it. If Hyunjin had to be strong and endure the painful reminder of those words, it was his fault. He couldn’t forgive himself.

There were nights his guilt travelled to his nightmares, showed him all the horrible things he had done to this soulmate, and he'd wake up drenched in sweat and heaving, panic setting deep within him as he forced himself not to dial Hyunjin’s number to get some comfort in knowing he was ok, that they were ok. He didn’t deserve comfort from Hyunjin when he had hurt him so badly. He didn’t deserve him at all, and it was these nightmares were his punishment.

Sometimes they were worse, showed him what could’ve happened if Hyunjin wasn’t so kind. He’d see himself alone, his soulmate nowhere to be seen, his love long lost. Lost to what or where had he gone to he didn’t know; the nightmare was mean enough not to let him know if Hyunjin had only left him, or if Jisung had killed him with his cruelty. He’d wake up screaming, and Chan would burst through his door and hold him. At first the elder would ask what was wrong, but at some point he didn’t have to anymore. He’d just cradle him like a baby and tell him Hyunjin was fine, that Hyunjin loved him, that it had been just a nightmare.

His guilt grew the more he loved Hyunjin, so it had been a matter of time before the sporadic dreams became daily occurrence. Chan was there every night, so he saw it first hand, Minho was there every day to see the aftermath, so he saw it just as much.

“You have to forgive yourself, Sungie”, Minho had told him over breakfast one day. Jisung huffed and shoved a spoonful of cereal down.

“Minho is right”, Chan said with a mouthful, “You can’t keep going like this, it’s gonna drive you crazy.”

“It already is from what you tell me”, Minho pointed a chopstick at Chan. Jisung looked betrayed at Chan, the man shrugging his shoulders. “You don’t listen to me, so maybe you’ll listen to him.”

Jisung got up with his empty bowl. He couldn’t face them. His friends were too good, too nice. “I’ll forgive myself when I deserve it.”

“Yeah, and when will you deserve it? When Hyunjin tells you that you do? When you do something to prove yourself?”, Chan sounded tired, frustrated. “Something like that”, Jisung turned around and smiled at him. “Don’t worry about me, hyung. I’m fine.”

“And what would that thing be?”, Minho crossed his arms and stared at his back. “I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out!”, Jisung messed his hair frustrated.

“Sungie, there isn’t a specific thing that will just fix everything. You’re good to Hyunjin now, I’m sure he forgives you”, Jisung sighed. “That’s just because he’s an angel, it doesn’t mean I’ve done enough.”

Chan was going to say something, but Minho put a hand on his shoulder. “If you say so, Sungie”, Minho smiled back. “We just want you to be ok.”

“I’m ok. I have Hyunjin, I don’t need anything else”, he said with a smile full of tenderness.

When he turned his back to them to wash his bowl, Chan grimaced at Minho, mouthed a silent yet desperate “what do we do?”.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The crowded living room was Minho's hope. The small couch he and Changbin had managed to buy a year back was starting to look wonky. Granted, with eight people trying to occupy three seats on the last months, Minho couldn’t blame the poor furniture. He shook his head and sighed, wondering if he should try to fit a bigger one in its place. The couch looked scandalised at him, and Minho had to look away in shame. He couldn’t betray such a loyal couch like that. He opened the window to let some much needed fresh air in as he waited for the last person he needed to arrive, the most important one on this little meeting he had organised.

Seungmin and Felix were already on their third bag os chips, so Minho hoped Hyunjin wouldn’t take much longer, otherwise Changbin would start whining that he’d have nothing left to eat and he didn’t need that distracting him. Chan was squeezed on the far left side of the couch, looking distressed with a big frown and a distant gaze.

The bell rang and all of them practically jumped on their spots, Minho literally ran to the door. “Hey- what’s u-“, Minho interrupted him as he hauled him inside, closing the door with his foot and pushing Hyunjin to the middle of the room, settling him atop the centre table where Chan Felix had been nice enough to place a cushion. “What’s going on?”, Hyunjin asked in a tad bit of panic.

“We need to talk”, Seungmin said with a scary-looking face, and Minho swatted him on the back of his head. “Don’t scare him!”, he reprimanded, “but yeah, we do need to talk.”

Hyunjin gulped and tried to think of something he could’ve done that had earned him being scolded by all his friends… “Where’s Jisung?”, he frowned.

“Not here”, Changbin shrugged, Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “No shit. Why isn’t he here? What’s this about?”

“Duh, him. It’s about him, that’s why he’s not here”, Seungmin huffed.

Hyunjin looked at Chan and Minho, eyes asking a thousand questions that he couldn’t voice. “Nothing happened to him, and you did nothing wrong! He’s probably getting ice cream with Jeongin.”

He stopped for a second. “Who’s Jeongin?”, nothing was making sense, Hyunjin was so confused. “The cutest person to ever roam this dirty Earth. Also known as my soulmate. We met yesterday and Jisung happened to witness that touching moment”, Seungmin beamed at Hyunjin and he felt a little bit more at ease. “Congratulations, Minnie!”

Minho groaned, “Let’s not get distracted, please? There’s only so much Jeongin can do with fucking ice cream to stall Jisung’s arrival…”

Everyone looked at him and straightened up on their seats. Minho cleared his throat and looked at Chan. The man pointed at himself in panic and Minho nodded. Chan sighed and turned to Hyunjin.

“We’re worried about Jisung”, he started and Hyunjin immediately looked distressed, so he added, “He’s fine… mostly, but we want him to be better, that’s why Minho planned this little meeting. He won’t listen to us, but he might listen to you.”

“What’s going on?”, Hyunjin swallowed, his hands were already sweaty, his heart full of a foreboding feeling he couldn’t shake off or point out.

“He’s been having nightmares and it’s affecting him at university and just… his daily life overall”, Hyunjin frowned. Jisung hadn’t mentioned nightmares to him, he slept just fine when they were together. Or at least Hyunjin thought he did, he’d been asleep so he couldn’t know, right?

“I… didn’t know.”

“He doesn’t want you to know”, Minho sat on the floor close to him since his couch wasn’t his apparently, “He doesn’t want you to worry”, he bit his lip. “We tried talking to him but…”

“But?”

“But he thinks he’s getting what he deserves”, Chan sighed, carded his fingers through his thick curly hair.

“What? Why would he deserve nightmares? You guys are being so confusing right now, just spit it!”, Hyunjin’s voice quivered. His Jisung was hurting and he hadn’t even noticed, just how self-centred was he?

_Self-centred._

He swallowed the knot and closed his eyes; that was a lie, he didn’t think only of himself. He just hadn’t noticed because Jisung had hid it from him. Nothing else.

“Hyunjin, breathe, you’re holding your breath, baby”, Changbin was already in front of him holding his hand. Hyunjin exhaled shakily, heavy. “He’s been blaming himself for hurting you. His nightmares are about that or you realising he’s undeserving and leaving him, that’s why he didn’t tell you.”

“He has nightmares about me being in pain? _Leaving him?_ ”, Chan nodded.

“He wakes up every night without fault now, it’s getting worse. I’m not saying you have to forgive him, but just… talk to him?”

“But I’ve forgiven him already. I’ve told him so more than once!”, Minho looked shocked at him.

“You… forgive him?”, Hyunjin was taken aback. Of course he forgave Jisung, how else would they still be together? “Yeah, I did! Of course I did! He’s been nothing but perfect since we cleared that thing! He cherishes me, respects me. It shows not only in his words or my skin, but in his actions. I’ve told him this!”, Hyunjin was almost shouting already. Had he not been clear enough?

“Then why the fuck is this stupid oaf still thinking he might lose you?”, Seungmin groaned and facepalmed. “Throw a ‘melodramatic’ at him, he’s being worse than you!”

“Seungmin, chill!”, Changbin chided. “He’s obviously traumatised”, he sighed. “You’re still working on yourself, right?”, he asked Hyunjin, who nodded. “Soulmate marks leave impressions even after they’re gone. If the problem isn’t about Hyunjin forgiving Jisung, it’s about Jisung forgiving himself.”

“And the same goes to you”, MInho ruffled Hyunjin’s hair.

The boy nodded. “I’ll try to reassure him more. And make sure he understands that’s all in the past.”

“We ask nothing more”, Minho gave Hyunjin a proud smile and crossed his arms. “Now let’s order pizza. Jeongin and Jisung must be almost here. You’re gonna lose your shit when you see just how kid the kid is, I tell you! Maybe Jisung should be worried after all!”, he laughed at Seungmin’s glare at his direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Did you like their kisseu 🥺 and their new shared word??? 😩 I squealed.  
> I’m sorry I had to add more angst again, but guys… love doesn’t magically solve traumas and it doesn’t magically heal people~ D: so I _had_ to. Don’t worry~ Happy ending it’s on the way…
> 
> Only one chapter left!
> 
> If you haven’t yet, please leave a kudo? 🥺 I crave validation~ Or you can leave a comment.. or both? :D
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter and Curious Cat (for people that like to be anon) @lexinie5.
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**


	6. Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty”, Hyunjin said softly and Jisung only hummed in response, most likely still groggy from sleep. “I’ll be done in just a second”, Jisung’s nose bumped his shoulder when he nodded his answer, and Hyunjin had to look back to watch as the boy waddled to the table. He bit his lips not to coo. Jisung was so precious.  
> The thought reminded him that somehow Jisung didn’t think the same. He had to change that, no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I officially announce that this is the rated E chapter.
> 
> It’s fluff and smut season, babies :D Problems are solved, smut ensues, fluff ensues~ you get it~ We’ll finally reach our happy ending uwu
> 
> I've decided to try and post this a bit earlier to see if it reaches more people >///< (for some reason it doesn't want to show on the search for latest completed works, I'm sad. maybe that's why I'm not getting new hits? T-T if you happen to know something about this please help?)
> 
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**

The sunset set cast soft shadows on Hyunjin’s bed, enveloped Jisung and him in a warm dim light as he drifted in and off on the other’s embrace. This weekend Hyunjin had asked that they stayed at home, he had been too tired to go with whatever new reckless adventure their friends came up with. And truth be told, he had finally gathered the courage to bring up _the topic._

God, he hoped Jisung felt comfortable enough to open up to him. He hoped he was subtle enough so he wouldn’t out his friends as little snitches. Jisung had slept almost the whole afternoon, and although Hyunjin’s arm was numb under him, and he needed to go to the bathroom, he didn’t dare to move. Just how little sleep his soulmate had been getting to be so drained on a Saturday?

He distracted himself for hours watching him sleep, the peaceful and relaxed expression, ever so beautiful, capturing his full attention easily. Jisung was gorgeous and so _so_ cute with the little pout that didn’t leave his mouth even as relaxed as he looked, but that was not news, Hyunjin had always been able to see it. His eyelashes looked so long this up close, and the gentle slope of his tiny nose complemented his features so well. Hyunjin was so in love it used to scared him. But not anymore.

Jisung groaned and his eyebrows knitted together as he squirmed on the bed, his body probably stiff from keeping the same position for so long. Without opening his eyes, he stretched like a cat, making Hyunjin smile fondly even if Jisung couldn’t see. His baby was so cute it was almost unbearable. He then rolled to the side and out of Hyunjin’s arms. Hyunjin felt cold already.

He moved his arm around to pump some blood back into it and threw the covers over Jisung, knowing if he didn’t the boy would wake up as soon as he got up. They had to eat though, so Hyunjin made the effort to get up and get something cooked for them. He turned on the lights as he passed the living room, heading to the kitchen.

He was almost done with cooking when he felt Jisung’s hands snaking around his middle, his breath skimming his neck where Jisung placed and apologetic kiss when Hyunjin startled.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty”, Hyunjin said softly and Jisung only hummed in response, most likely still groggy from sleep. “I’ll be done in just a second”, Jisung’s nose bumped his shoulder when he nodded his answer, and Hyunjin had to look back to watch as the boy waddled to the table. He bit his lips not to coo. Jisung was so precious.

The thought reminded him that somehow Jisung didn’t think the same. He had to change that, no matter what.

“Sorry I slept for so long”, Jisung broke the silence once he was fully awake. “Don’t worry, I could see you were tired, and I was too, so I just let you sleep”, Hyunjin smiled at him and outstretched his hand to him, hoping he was conveying properly that he truly didn’t mind it. “What did you do while I was dead asleep? Weren’t you bored?”

Hyunjin blushed. Usually he’d avoid questions such as this with a simple excuse, saying he played on his phone or watched some videos. Maybe lie that he had slept the whole time as well and only woke up to get something ready for them to eat. Except these excuses could be the reason Jisung didn’t believe or understand just how much he loved him, word over his heart or not. Or perhaps Chan was right and he knew, but couldn’t forgive himself nonetheless.

Not too long before, if it were him he’d likely struggle as well. Every single thing that he did and could bother Jisung left him terrified when the misunderstanding hadn’t been cleared – anxious, scared he had messed up for good and Jisung would hate him. Now he trusted Jisung, and he trusted himself to do what was best for his soulmate.

His Jisung who was scared of losing him as much as he was, who was lacking sleep because of it – he wanted him to trust him as well. And following his discovery of how blind he had been to Jisung’s pain, he had thought long and hard on what he could do to have Jisung trust both of them on this. Because Hyunjin knew they wouldn’t abandon each other again – ever.

So for once in his life he forced himself to create some balls and be honest like Jisung, admit that he was so smitten with him that he had watched him sleep for hours on end and that no, he hadn’t been bored in the slightest.

The pink that bloomed on Jisung’s cheeks and the way he looked so surprised and shy under Hyunjin’s honesty was the best present Hyunjin could’ve asked. Maybe he had been missing out being a timid mess all this time. “You’re kidding right?”, Jisung strained out, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed his nervousness.

“I’m serious. You looked so beautiful that I didn’t even feel the time pass”, Jisung pulled his hand from Hyunjin’s so he could hide behind them with a groan. “Shit, that’s so embarrassing”, Hyunjin giggled at his reaction.

“Should I apologise? Do you hate it?”, he asked, knowing the answer very well, but wanting to hear it from Jisung all the same. Flustered Jisung always brought out something dark in him, lit a fire he always barely managed to control. He didn’t plan on holding back anymore, not if it meant Jisung second-guessing himself and still blaming himself for what happened. Hadn’t Jisung realised that Hyunjin was partially at fault too? He _had_ hidden that he knew Jisung was his soulmate after all. Had he been honest as Jisung, his own pain would have been shortened. But he had been scared and had thought it was all his fault.

So much like Jisung was doing at the moment – hiding and suffering in silence. He wanted to see himself in Jisung, but not like this.

“I don’t hate it. It’s just… embarrassing”, Jisung wasn’t looking up, his bashfulness only making Hyunjin want to tease him more. “That’s good, because I love watching you sleep, although I can see that you might find that creepy.”

“It’s not creepy, I promise. I’m just…”, Hyunjin grinned dangerously, completed the phrase Jisung didn’t want to finish himself, “Shy?”

“Y-yeah”, he huffed.

Han Jisung was a confident person, the kind of person that was so confident that turned sassy and cocky, always with a comeback ready. He knew his attributes and how to use them in his favour. Hyunjin had seen him get what he wanted with confidence and eloquence alone more times than he could count, but there he was. Blushing, trying to hide and curling on himself, looking so cute and small under his gaze.

Hyunjin wished for nothing more if he got to see more of it, but not while Jisung was hurting; they needed to talk. He had to be careful and patient if he wanted to make Jisung see that, he didn’t want to scare him away. So he waited until they were chilling on the couch, Jisung already recomposed and relaxed.

“You know, I’ve never seen you so tired, and it looks like it’s getting worse”, he started. With Jisung being direct was the best route, so the boy wouldn’t wiggle his way out of it. He also knew if Jisung started to bullshit some sort of excuse, he’d not be able to counter it without outing his friends, so he didn’t let him even begin it.

“You know, I think we’re in a point where you can trust me with your worries, Sungie. I want to be there for you just like you’re always there for me”, did this count as guilt-tripping his soulmate into admitting his biggest fears? Hyunjin didn’t mind playing dirty if it was on Jisung’s best interest.

“I…”

“Please?”, he pouted to his best abilities. “Tell me, Sungie. Aren’t I your soulmate?”, and maybe that was a low blow. But again, he had to go hard or go home with Jisung.

He wasn’t so merciless though. That was as far as he’d push it. So he waited as Jisung collected his thoughts.

“I can’t forgive myself, Hyunie… and it’s giving me nightmares. I can’t sleep if you’re not there”, Hyunjin sighed in relief. Finally he’d be able to get his weight off Jisung’s chest. He hoped so, at least. “Haven’t I told you that I forgive you, baby? Even those bad words have been gone for awhile now”, he cradled his soulmate’s face, smoothed the dark eye bags gently.

“I believe you!”, he placed his hands on top of Hyunjin’s with shaky fingers. “But that’s just because you’re too forgiving and kind. I don’t deserve you, Hyunie. Not after what I’ve done, I can’t just _accept_ it”, he shook his head, the tears that fell swiped away by Hyunjin’s thumbs as he tried to keep Jisung’s eyes on his.

“Baby, will you listen to me?”, Hyunjin pleaded, and Jisung gave up trying to shy away from him. “You’ve hurt me. But you know what? I’ve hurt you too”, the boy shook his head and Hyunjin tightened his hold on him. “I have. My silence on all those months led us to that horrible breaking point. And that silence is still hurting you now. Because if I had spoken up and told you we were soulmates, you’d have questioned your thoughts about me much sooner. Do you want to know how I know that?”

Jisung gulped, his shimmery eyes still on Hyunjin, “I know it because you’re kind as well. You’re not cruel, Jisungie. I was wrong”, Jisung sobbed, but Hyunjin wasn’t done. “I’m still healing from that mess, but I want you to heal with me. I don’t want to be ok on my own. I love you more than anything and I want us to walk beside each other from now on, together”, Jisung squeezed his hands and he let them fall to the sides of the boys neck, letting him wipe away his tears on his own.

Hyunjin himself was wavering already, the fat droplets stuck to his lower lashes and threatening to flow, but he wanted to be able to ground Jisung, and if he cried he wouldn’t.

The long inhale Jisung took allowed him to calm down a little. It was so much to take in. Hyunjin had told him he forgave him more than once, but it felt different now. ‘I don’t want to be ok on my own’, Jisung let the words sink in. Jisung didn’t want to leave Hyunjin alone either. “I… I’m so scared you’ll change your mind, Hyunie. That I’ll fuck up again and you’ll-“, he choked on the words, feeling overwhelmed again. Saying them out loud made them feel so real, he couldn’t.

“I’ll never leave you Han Jisung”, Hyunjin locked eyes with him. “And you belong with me, so don’t you dare leave me either!”

“I’m yours”, Jisung whispered, his voice coarse from all the crying. “I’m never leaving you either”, Hyunjin’s lips trembled, and before he could do anything about it, he was the one crying on Jisung’s shoulder, hugging him close, but wanting him closer.

He dragged Jisung to his lap, the boy following easily and instantly slotting their mouths together in a heated kiss that overflowed in passion with all their bottled up feelings. Their tongues clashed as never before and nothing had ever felt so perfect, so right. They had kissed countless times, but always soft and wary, never like that.

“You’re mine, Jisungie”, Hyunjin whispered into Jisung’s open mouth, needing the closeness as much as his boyfriend. Jisung’s breath hitched, his dick twitched, and he cursed under his breath. Smirking and all too satisfied, Hyunjin licked his lips, “You like that, baby? Like being mine?”, he pointed that last word nipping at Jisung’s bottom lip and began trailing down his jaw, to the spot where it connected with his neck, sucking hard at the skin so it’d bruise.

Jisung rutted down with a shuddery breath, gave his soulmate space to mark him up. Hyunjin’s mesmerised gaze on his bright red cheeks and ears and on the newly blooming love bites on his neck set Jisung on fire. “Is this ok?”, he pouted when Hyunjin gripped his waist to keep him still until he answered him. The lack of friction driving him crazy enough that he overcame his bashfulness for long enough to answer, “S-shit, yes, Hyunie”, he hid on Hyunjin’s neck, “I’m yours. Make me yours.”

The world shifted around Jisung as Hyunjin hoisted him up. He locked his legs around Hyunjin’s waist, a little yelp escaping him with the sudden movement. He’d complain, but it was just so hot, and Hyunjin looked sinful with his half-lidded eyes and those absurd arms carrying him like he was nothing. So he kept quiet for once. He fell on the bed softly, Hyunjin placing him as if he was made of glass on the mattress, a stark contrast with the way he looked ready to wreck Jisung to shreds.

“Is this ok?”, he pulled Hyunjin down instead of answering, biting back on his thick lips, satisfied when the boy moaned and ground down on him. He felt Hyunjin would probably want to be sure, so he answered him when he finally let go of his soulmates lips, now glossy and bitten red. “Yes, please.”

He felt himself melt and merge with the bed as Hyunjin brought their lengths together, both so wound up that their clothes were discarded hastily so they could have their naked skins hot on each other. His eyes were lost on Hyunjin, his soulmate looking powerful and huge on top of him, his hand looking so big around his shaft, his dick longer and thicker than Jisung’s making him feel even tinier as Hyunjin closed his fist around himself as well, bringing their cocks to rut on one another. Fuck, Hyunjin was a god incarnate, he was sure. It felt so hot, so good.

“Yeah?”, Hyunjin asked above him, and he noticed he had been saying it out loud. He should be embarrassed, but he was already too gone for that, only nodded quickly in response, shielded his eyes with his hands when Hyunjin smirked, and his soulmate let it slip this time. It was all so much, if he let his gazer linger he’d come too fast, and he wanted more. He needed more.

“M-more, pleas-“, he whimpered when Hyunjin pulled away instantly, but before dread could settle he saw Hyunjin scrambling to the nightstand and propping open the first drawer. He blindly threw the lube behind him and continued to rummage, looking for a condom probably. “Lube’s enough”, he gulped when Hyunjin’s head whiplashed back.

He cupped his cheek, leaned down to talk into Jisung’s space, “You sure?”

“Y-yeah, I want to feel you. And we’re clean…”, he managed to say.

Soon he was spread on the sheets, legs on each side of his boyfriend’s slim hips as Hyunjin opened way with wet fingers. He thrusted sluggishly, dragging the pads on Jisung’s hot walls as he searched for his prostate. Jisung was normally impatient and desperate though, and with two fingers inside his ass he’d be no different. He rolled his hips back to get more friction, spur Hyunjin to finger-fuck him instead of teasing him like he was.

Hyunjin smacked his thigh and glared, “Don’t rush me, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You w-won’t, p-please”, Jisung tried to get him deeper again, shameless. Hyunjin shook his head, amused, and added a third finger slowly. Jisung moaned so prettily he struggled not to give in and just fuck him, so he settled in marking his inner thighs, then his tummy and chest, carefully avoiding all the pretty words scattered around. “You look so pretty spread around my fingers, baby”, Hyunjin said breathless, loving the way Jisung writhed and squirmed at the praise, clamped down on his fingers almost painfully as his body waved in pleasure.

“H-yuni-“, Jisung stammered, “ _please_ ”, he pleaded. Jisung really was beautiful all fucked-out, Hyunjin wanted a picture to make it last forever. He ignored his pleas and continued slowly pumping his fingers into him, occasionally brushing against the boy’s prostate so he’d whine louder. _God_ , he loved the sounds Jisung made.

Hyunjin’s own teasing was getting to him though, his hips jerking forward in seek of relief as he watched his baby sprawled out for him, marked and stretched around his fingers, looking the epitome of blissed-out.

“Fuck me, Hyunie”, Jisung whined, “Come on, I need it, _please_ ”, Jisung sounded to wrung out, and Hyunjin finally took pity on him (and himself).

And if kissing Jisung felt like stars aligning, he really didn’t have works to what fucking him felt like. Their voices mingled in hiccuped moans as he fucked Jisung hard and fast, tired of drawing out their releases. He aimed his thrusts to hit Jisung’s prostate every time he bottomed out, and it didn’t take long for Jisung’s tight walls start spasming around him taking him so close too the edge he had to clench his teeth not to come on the spot. He would be embarrassed for lasting so little, but he knew Jisung wouldn’t hold it against him.

“Su-Sungie”, he bowed over the boy whilst keeping his thrusts as best as he could. “I _fuck-_ gonna make me come, baby”, he moaned into Jisung’s mouth, the boy moaning along with him. “C-come in-side me, pleas-“

He slammed forward and painted Jisung’s insides before his boyfriend could even finish, his high so strong his vision blacked outand his voice didn’t make out of his throat. He wasn’t done though, not until Jisung was done, so he rode his orgasm like a dog in heat until his oversensitivity started to get painful.

When he pulled out he quickly sank his three fingers back into the boy and grabbed the base of Jisung’s cock to hold it against his open mouth. Jisung looked at him like he was an angel sent from heaven. “Mark me too, Jisung, come for me”, Hyunjin whispered, breath fanning over the boy’s cock. Jisung thrashed around on the bed as Hyunjin swallowed him whole and sucked hard, making Jisung come down his throat, and on his mouth and face when he spluttered and had to pull back a little.

He pulled off with a pop only when Jisung was coherent enough to look down at him. Stalking up the bed like a tiger, he held Jisung’s jaw, the boy opening his mouth without Hyunjin having to ask. The come dripped from his mouth to Jisung’s and he kissed him instead of allowing him to swallow, both humming in pleasure as they rolled the semen on their tongues, Hyunjin ultimately sucking whatever he could back into his mouth so he could swallow most part.

Jisung ran his fingers on the mess on Hyunjin’s face, working it into his skin instead of cleaning it of. “Mine”, he whispered with a dopey smile. “Yours.”

He slumped beside Jisung as tiredness caught up to him, and they cuddled to nap, too gone to care about the stickiness clinging to them.

Hyunjin woke up first, filled up the tub, wet some towels to clean off the rough of their mess on both Jisung and him whilst the boy still slept.

“Sungie, wake up. Time to clean up”, he called him quietly. All he got as a response was a grunt and a yawn. He giggled and took Jisung in his arms to the bathroom, laying him gently inside the tub and slipping behind him. He grabbed a protein bar he had set on the little toiletry stand and handed it to the boy, then water when he was done with that.

“Should we really be eating in the tub?”, Jisung’s voice was still rough from sleep, and his face puffy in the cutest way – he looked even more like a squirrel like this. “I don’t see the problem, and it didn’t look like you were willing to move as far as the kitchen.”

Jisung didn’t retort anything, only hummed and leaned back on Hyunjin’s chest, playing with his fingers, mapping out his hands as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

“I was thinking”, he said finally, “We should had just hate fucked each other on day 5”, Hyunjin bursted out laughing, wholeheartedly happy.

“I love you, Sungie”, Hyunjin placed a kiss on his cheekbone.

“I love you too, Hyunie”, Jisung smiled, the brightest smile Hyunjin had ever seen.

On both their chests, _love_ grew bigger.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The slam on the table startled Hyunjin so bad his cereal went down the wrong pipe, making Jisung swear and hit his back voicing a thousand apologies. “Don’t try to kill me, Jisung, I’ll haunt you from my grave!”, Hyunjin complained with watery eyes.

“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking”, he laughed as he sat on the chair facing Hyunjin. “We need to talk.”

Hyunjin raised a brow, “That shit can’t scare me when you’re grinning from ear to ear, baby”, he giggled at Jisung’s affronted look. “I can be scary if I want to!”

“Sure sure”, Hyunjin dismissed him, downing another spoonful of cereal. “So, what’s up?”

“I want you to meet my family”, the spoon fell to the floor, and it was Jisung’s turn to raise an amused brow. “What? You don’t want to?”

“I- I do!”, Hyunjin said louder than he’d wanted and blushed. “I just wasn’t expecting this… _your family_?”

“Yeah!”, Jisung giggled and bounced on his seat. “Look, her birthday is coming up, and my parents have been bugging me to introduce you to them for some time now, so…”

“Sounds like the perfect opportunity?”, Jisung nodded eagerly. “Unless you’d rather not to… if you think it’s too soon-“

“I’d love to, Han Jisung”, Hyunjin laced their hands over the table, cereal long forgotten. Hyunjin loved mornings like these. Waking up to Jisung by his side, watching him slowly come awake and run his hands through his soft hair to smooth it into place. The fact that he failed every time and always had a tuff sticking up and Hyunjin had to flatten it for him only made things even more perfect. Meeting Jisung’s parents felt like the right next step.

Truth be told, he thought Jisung didn’t want Hyunjin to meet them yet. They were mostly healed from their rough beginning, but he knew Jisung was very sensitive to change, he could tell it scared the shit out of him. If Jisung was ready, he was too.

In fact, he had been planning on pushing things to move forward, so Jisung inviting him lined up pretty well. The thing is, Felix spent most of his time on Chan’s and Jisung’s home. And Jisung practically lived with him, heading home only to get more clothes and wash the dirty ones. So Felix had brought up the idea of switching apartments completely to him, and maybe this was the cue he needed.

He was pretty confident that Jisung wouldn’t mind, it’d only make things easier for him, and if he knew his baby well – and he did – he’d probably get all cute and emotional on him. Hyunjin was _so_ going to plan the switch with Felix and surprise his baby.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Jisung’s house was warm. Not in the sense that it was physically hot, but warm in cosiness. The warm-cream sofa complimented the darker rug that was centred in the living room well, and the walls were filled with pictures of them together, many of Jisung with his sister. No wonder Jisung had flipped his shit when she got hurt. They seemed really close.

Jisung’s family was just as warm. Turns out Jisung got his cuteness from his dad, and his confidence from his mom, both giggly and loud just like his soulmate. Hyunjin clicked right away with Jisung’s sister too, and she wasn’t awkward at all with him, even when asking how much of a dick Jisung had been to him before noticing he wasn’t Hwang Hyunjun.

“I figured right away that he had mixed up everything when he told us your name and showed us a picture”, he huffed. “Seriously, Jisung-oppa is so stupid. You two aren’t even that much alike! Did he tell you he showed up here with a busted face and full of cuts on his hand to ask about him?”

Hyunjin shook his head. So that’s how Jisung had cleared things up, huh. “The face was my fault, sorry.”

“Don’t be. If it were me, I’d have gone for his teeth”, she said matter-of-factly.

“Hey! I can hear you!”, Jisung yelled from the kitchen where he was helping his father cut onions whilst his mother stood by the stove. Hyunjin heard another yell when said mother swatted his head. “Don’t scream, Jisung!”, Hyunjin had tears in his eyes from laughing so much. Funny ran in the family as well, from what Hyunjin could tell.

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can help with?”, he asked for what felt like the hundredth time, but how could he not? Since he arrived he had only joked around with Jisung’s sister on the couch while they did all the work. “You sit there all pretty, Hyunie-hyung.”

Jisung flushed bright red when his parent’s and his sister’s head turned to him, bitting his lip and looking down. Hyunjin was in love, his soulmate was the cutest. “Guess I’ll try my best to look pretty then”, Hyunjin giggled, not missing the chance to rub it in. His sister seemed to like it.

“Wow, I’ve never seen someone shut him up like that, you’re good, Hyunjin-oppa!”, she laughed and high-fived him. The resemblance in their laughter was uncanny as well. Hyunjin felt like he had walked into a parallel universe with many versions of Jisung.

They even ate similarly! Hyunjin was baffled, really. All with the same puffed-out cheeks full of food and chatting nonstop, bickering and then laughing at each other. Hyunjin watched delighted, beamed at Jisung when their eyes crossed. The only thing that didn’t add up much was how good the food was, his mother’s talent must’ve skipped Jisung.

“Hey, I was the one that made that dessert, you ungrateful ferret!”, Jisung pointed his dessert spoon at him as he spoke with cheeks stuffed full. His mother hit the back of his head again. “Oh, really? It’s really good, Sungie~ You should make me desserts more often!”, Hyunjin beamed only to see his baby blush and babble. It never failed. He took another spoon of the pie and felt something cold on his tongue. He panicked a bit, and bit on the hard object, afraid he’d swallow whatever the fuck Jisung had let fall into the pie. If it was something dirty Hyunjin would kill him, fuck all their work at getting better!

He hummed desperately and pointed at his mouth, all three of the family members fanning over him and telling him to spit it. Jisung’s mother was already shouting at Jisung. Hyunjin spat the object on his hand and…

A ring?

Four heads snapped to where Jisung had been sitting not a second before, but the boy had already gotten around the table and was pushing his father aside, spinning the chair Hyunjin was sitting on. He dropped on a knee and took the frost and drool covered ring on his hand.

“Hwang Hyunjin, I know I’ve almost scared you to death just now and that I have too many flaws to count. Since you’ve entered my life I’ve only grown to be a better person though and, if you’ll give me the honour, I’d like to keep growing by your side every day of my life, until my days end. I love you more than anything and anyone on this big round Earth. Will you marry me?”

Hyunjin hugged Jisung, pulling him up from his knees and nuzzling on his neck, sobbing while the boy soothed his back with a fond smile on his face. It took Hyunjin a while to recover, but e eventually croaked out a tiny ‘yes’ and kissed Jisung silly.

When they stood up Jisung’s mother was sobbing, much like Hyunjin, on her husband’s shoulder and his sister was pretending – and failing – to be tough while shoving pie down to hide her sniffles. He swore he heard her mutter “smooth fucker” under her breath, but he could be imagining things.

They ended up spending the rest of the day playing video games with Jisung’s sister. Jisung’s parents surprisingly joining the fun and beating all their asses on Mario Kart. Hyunjin was so happy. He couldn’t stop glancing down to his and Jisung’s hands, to where the – now clean – ring wrapped around his finger and the complementary band was snug on Jisung's. Fuck, Hyunjin was so happy.

“Did you like it?”, Jisung grasped the ring on Hyunjin’s finger and rolled it around the digit. It was a tiny bit loose, but they could get that fixed later, the guy on the store had been nice enough to give Jisung a few weeks to get it adjusted if he needed it. He’d have measured Hyunjin’s finger when the boy was asleep, but he always ended up falling asleep first and waking up later than his boyfriend… fiancé. He smiled at the difference. It felt nice saying it on his head, he couldn’t wait to tell the others so he could say it out loud.

“Oh! Before you go, Sungie, I’ll be sending your engagement presents to your apartment, so please, don’t forget to check your mailbox!”, Jisung groaned but promised he’d be careful anyway. “You could just drive and drop them, or I could come get them”, he mumbled, but shut up when his father sent him a death glare.

“You don’t even know what it is, how can you say that you’ll come get it?”, his mother rolled her eyes. “Just check the mailbox!”, Jisung nodded.

“Actually…”, Hyunjin pulled a key from his pocket and handed it to Jisung. “You might want to tell them your new address before we leave then”, Hyunjin smiled smugly. Jisung turned the key on his hand and looked confused at Hyunjin. “I’m… moving?”

“You’ve moved already, actually. All your stuff is at my – our – apartment as off now.”

Jisung’s eyes welled up, “You’re telling me we I’ve… and you have- at the same time?”, Jisung stuttered, and Hyunjin cooed and hugged him. “Yes, exactly what you failed to say. I don’t live with Felix anymore, I live with you”, he cupped Jisung’s cheeks and looked into his eyes, his own welling up as well because they were both emotional love bugs, “My fiancé.”

Jisung was the happiest man alive and no one could convince him otherwise. He all but jumped on Hyunjin, wrapping his legs around the boy, and kissed him. A salty kiss from his tears, but a very nice kiss nonetheless if you want to know.

Their love bubble was popped by Jisung’s mother wailing on her husband’s embrace again, and they had to laugh because she was just so cute. Jisung’s sister was crying too, unable to fake her way out with pie this time around. “You better-“, he swallowed and sniffled, “You better take good care of my br-brother!”

Hyunjin nodded.

“I will. Forever.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Hey, let’s bet who’s gonna notice the rings first”, Jisung bounced on his heels as they waited their friends to get to Hyunjin’s… to _their_ apartment.

“Will it make you stop exuding anxiety and making me sweaty?”, Hyunjin huffed, although he wasn’t really annoyed, he was just as nervous as Jisung.

“It just might”, his fiancé smirked. “Then I’ll bet on Minho.”

“Minho doesn’t notice this kind of shit!”, Jisung rolled his eyes, “you’re wasting a good bet here.”

“We didn’t even decide what we’re betting on!”, he snorted.

“What do you want, baby?”, Jisung wiggled his eyebrows. Hyunjin pretended to cringe, but the pink on his cheeks told Jisung he had hit the nail. “You can try that kinky thing you’re thinking about right now”, he giggled at Hyunjin’s flustered expression. Right on the nail.

“F-fine. But I’ll still bet on Minho”, he shrugged.

“And what will I get if I win?”, Jisung’s toothy grin looked a bit too evil on his cute quokka face, but whatever, Hyunjin could give him anything. “You can choose anything.”

“Wait, really?”, he gawked, his mouth a big ‘oh’. “Yeah, really”. Hyunjin smirked. Jisung was definitely thinking about something kinky too.

“I’ll bet on Changbin!”

When the boys arrived both of them answered the door, too eager to see who’d win their little bet. Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin barely looked at them and hurried to the couch, Felix already calling dibs on playing first. Chan hugged both of them and sauntered inside, looking tired and flopping beside Jeongin.

They accompanied Changbin inside, the boy asking them if everything was in place and if they needed help with anything, which both of them quickly dismissed. They expected Minho to follow them, but the boy was stuck by the door.

Chan was the first to notice, “What’s wrong Minho?”, he got up and walked to the boy. Minho looked away and sniffled, rubbing his nose with the back on his hand and his eyes with its heel. “What is it, Minho?”

Everybody was already up, Hyunjin already smiling victoriously at Jisung.

“T-this fuckers!”, he pointed at the couple. “This-“, he sobbed, making heads turn to them instead. Hyunjin took Jisung’s hand and raised it, their ringed fingers on display.”

Felix squealed and hugged an equally squealing Changbin. Chan just walked slowly to them and took both their hands in his. “This…”

“Sungie asked me to marry him!”, Hyunjin beamed. Minho just crouched on the floor and cried like a baby, Seungmin and Jeongin laughing at him but also rubbing his back in comfort. Chan gave them both a bear hug. “I’m so happy for you both!”, he cried.

Felix and Changbin joined the hug with so much force that the hugging trio fell to the floor with a loud thud, Hyunjin screeching as he and Jisung were crushed. It seemed fun, so Seungmin and Jeongin pulled Minho to join to, soon Jisung begging for mercy.

They’d had horrible days in their past, but under that pile of idiots, Hyunjin felt safe, felt at home. If he had known that things would be fine before, now he was only surer, because as long as Jisung’s laughter and whiny voice echoed close to him, he knew he was not alone.

Hyunjin felt loved.

Suddenly all the fussing stopped, the Youngers getting up and helping old Minho and Chan as well. Jisung and Hyunjin lay on the floor giggling still.

“Sungie…”, Changbin gulped and pulled Jisung sitting. “On your neck…”

Jisung clasped a hand over his neck, on the wrong side that Changbin meant and the small man rolled his eyes. “Here”, he put Jisung’s hand where he had meant. “You have a word there.”

Jisung’s and Hyunjin’s eyes bulged out, the latter sitting to see what it was.

Everyone circled them and Jisung darted his eyes around, trying to gauge their expressions. “W-what is it??”

Hyunjin smiled at him and cupped his cheeks to kiss the top of his nose.

_Home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve read all the chapters, thank you so much! 🥰 I hope you enjoyed the ride despite the constant angst along the way!
> 
> So tell me: have I been able to convince you of Jisung’s redemption? How do you feel about the ending? :3 pLEase let me (lee) know? 🥺 
> 
> I have other works in progress and soon they should be posted (hopefully), so if you’re subscribed to my page, please look forward to it! (They’re not all angsty like this one I promise xD, in fact the next one in line has no angst at all :3)
> 
> If you liked this work, I have another one that I think you might like? Huh, idk, if you want to check? I'll link it just in case… 🤧
> 
> [They wanna know if this is only a phase](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28369287)
> 
> And here's the whole list… just in case? >//< sorry, I'm not popular ok? I have to self-promote! D:
> 
> [15 Works by BabyStray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexine/pseuds/BabyStray/works)
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter and Curious Cat (for people that like to be anon) @lexinie5.  
>    
> **Do not repost this work anywhere, please and thanks. For translations, contact me beforehand.**


End file.
